disorders-shmismorders: part 2

As said in the first post there are many theories as to why an individual may develop an eating disorder. The one I tend to adhere to the most is a theory developed and coined by Peggy Claude-Pierre. This is CNC - Confirmed Negativity Condition. She says that this disorder is the underlying cause, it is a complex thought process that plagues the mind. In fact, the eating disorder is to CNC what a rash is to the measles. It's a symptom, but not meant to minimize the severity of an eating disorder.
I suppose the best way to explain CNC is like a civil war within the mind. The predisposition for CNC begins early in life, though just because one might have CNC does not mean one will develop and eating disorder. Keep that in mind. Other manifestations from CNC can include depression, agoraphobia, panic attacks, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or somatic disorders. An individual can have any or more of these manifestations without actually having an eating disorder. But some can often coexist with an eating disorder. An example of that might include being very agoraphobic and being anorexic. Also, when healing from an eating disorder one might replace said disorder with another manifestation.
CNC tends to precede the disorder and is the root of it. It is like a parasite that attempts to consume all rational thought. She calls us and our rationality the Actual Mind. Milton said it best in Paradise Lost:
       "The mind is it's own place, and in itself,
        Can make a heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven."
But there is much more to understanding CNC. In order to getting into the mind of someone with CNC you must realize that certain types of people are far more susceptible to to the "negative mind" than others. The people that are most at risk are the ones who are essentially altruistic and does not want to be a burden on her family or society by reaching out for aid. Moreover, victims of CNC tend to assume they are not wanted, they feel unworthy and feel like they are being excluded from things because they are any negative adjective they can think of.  
I have tried to explain CNC before and it never comes out sounding right. Some don't quite understand. It's as if there is a voice in your head always telling you that you are fat, worthless, pathetic, etc. And the voice is relentless; beating down on you almost every minute. Even now whenever I eat I need to be watching or doing something in order to distract myself and the negative thoughts from what I am doing. But the sad thing is that I shouldn't need to distract myself. And this is how a lot of eating disorder sufferers go through.
A big part of what some people with eating disorders do is collect "thinspiration". This is basically a book or folder full of photographs, quotes, or "dieting" tips, as well as other little tricks to prevent weight gain and encourage weight loss. Here are some examples from my former thinspiration notebook:
       1. Eat on a blue or black plate since darker colors make you feel full faster.
       2. Always wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you feel hungry.
       3. Chew sugar free gum whenever you feel hungry, but don't eat too many as they are about 5 calories per piece.
       4. When craving something make a list of why you shouldn't eat it and read it over 20 times or so. The craving will pass in about 20 minutes.
       5. Make a meal plan to limit your food intake.
       6. Look at supermodels and other thin people to remind yourself what you want to look like.
       7. Move as much as possible! Exercise whenever you can.
       8. Pinch your fat. Always remember there is something to lose.
These are just some of the many crazy things I wrote down to keep my weight down. Anna Faris was a body type I emulated a great deal. I'm watching a movie starring her right now and it's hard not to compare myself and feel down. At the height of my disorder in high school, my senior year to be exact, there was one book that helped me identify. It is you remind me of you by Eireann Corrigan. It is a poetry memoir about a girl who has an eating disorder and all the other issues of her life that impacted her. There is a particularly powerful scene, it reminded me of my father and something he might do had he known;
     After I fell asleep doing sit-ups on the family room,
     floor, he carried me upstairs to my bed and he must have been
    cursing you the whole heavy trip. And later 
    when they caught me hiding food, when my mom
    would stand behind me on the scale and cry at the numbers --
    Those mornings, when I would bundle up at five to run
    he'd creep behind me in the station wagon in case I fell
    and didn't get back up. Sometimes I'd make it 
    home just to faint in the shower and my dad had to 
    listen for that tumble and rush in to swing the faucet
    from hot to cold.
This is just one of the many excerpts from the very moving book. I suggest anyone with eating disorder issues read this.        

But CNC is just part of the problem for people with eating disorders. There are still other factors to discuss. to be continued....



sources:
The Secret Language of Eating Disorders by Peggy Claude-Pierre
The Thin Woman by Helen Mason
The Eating Disorder Sourcebook by Carolyn Costin, M.A., M.Ed., M.F.T.
you remind me of you by Eireann Corrigan