..."brief" observances

the influence of television (on me)

2011-11-14T23:15:00.000-08:00

I am, and have been for about a week, quite ill. While laying in misery on the couch I have been drawing some basic shadow, pen and ink drawings of various fictional characters. Honestly, this was all I could think of for my long overdue update. These are posted in various places around my apartment now. Abed is on the fridge, Troy on the liquor cabinet, and Ron Swanson where I can always see him, always beckoning me with that glorious 'stache.

nouveau studies

2011-09-14T19:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was overcome with a very strong urge to drawsome art nouveau. Now, I don't know a terrible amount about it; just a fewartists names. I just never really studied it as a movement, though I do find itto be some of the most visually pleasing art produced during the 20th century.

First and foremost, the name "Art Nouveau" means"New Art" in french, for those of you who don't know anything at allabout root words. It was most popular between the years 1890 - 1914. Some verypopular art nouveau artists were Alphonse Mucha, Theophile Steinlen (who ismost popular for his La tournée du Chat Noir avec Rodolphe Salis - you'll knowit when you see it, I'm sure), Aubrey Beardsley, Victor Horta, and GustavKlimt.

But I can spend more time researching later. My mainmotivation for this post was to display the two pieces I finished yesterday. Iplan to work on and finish another tonight, and start another tomorrow. I'mtrying to get as much drawing in as possible, come the 26th my artistic musingswill be focused on my sculpture homework until mid December. I'm not goodenough at it to be looking forward to it.

Anyway, here are the pieces I completed yesterday, if youcan even call them that. They currently wander nameless, though I might callthe one with the pearls "Andrea" (my sister) as she loves them somuch and she was the main inspiration for it.

I'm not sure how I feel about them. I like them, but at the same time I don't really feel a sense of accomplishment with them. While I like my design, the flatness and lack of depth seems to get at me. I just need to work at it more.

In other news, Joshua and I have finally moved out to Portland, he has a job, I found a nannying job, and school starts soon. My academic counselor says I should be graduating with my masters in June of 2013 if things go according to plan.

This blog might eventually turn (as the school year progresses) as more of an outlet for my psychological theories and musings. And my criticisms...you know who you are you German whack-job.

how to storm a bastille without really trying

2011-07-15T22:22:00.000-07:00

So, it was Bastille Day a few days ago and I completely forgot about it. I drew a comic last minute. In before midnight so it still counts. I posted it on my tumblr and soon realized almost no one knows what Bastille Day is, let alone what a huguenot is.
Gather 'round children, and you shall receive a brief lesson in the meaning of Bastille Day.
For starters, every year on the 14th of July Bastille Day or French National Day is celebrated across France. Think of it as their 4th of July. It commemorates the 1790 Fête de la Fédération which was celebrated on the one year anniversary of the storming of the Bastille.
The storming of the Bastille was important for several reasons, but first we must explain the Bastille itself. It was a medieval fortress and prison in Paris. When it was stormed it only housed 7 inmates, (Marquis de Sade had been there only 10 days before, but was transferred. so close...so close) but the people were not after the inmates, they were after the gunpowder and weapons housed there. (here in modern times we know not to house our deadly, deadly weapons with our deadly, deadly criminals) The reason for this was because there had been a serious of rumors that put the public on edge due to their major economic crisis, since France had intervened in the American Revolution and put on quite a fiscal strain. 8,800 people gathered and subsequently stormed the Bastille successfully. This event marked a very important point of the French Revolution. This lead to the Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen, a veeeerrrry important document.
Maybe these events do not matter to the american people, we tend to be a self-centered bunch. While this isn't a very broad lesson on why Bastille Day is important, it gives a little insight.
btw: the huguenots were Calvinists, or the Protestant Reformed Church of France. They were harsh ciritics of the catholic church and broke away from it. If you look up the St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre you will get an idea of how tense these relations were. The Edict of Nantes made protestants legal, but it was revoked by Louis XIV. Many of them were put in prison during the time of the French Revolution, some in the Bastille.

Also, here is my comic:

updating with helpful information? now you're just spoiling us.

2011-07-11T10:30:00.000-07:00

It has been far too long since I have blogged. I ended up getting a Tumblr that I tend to update more since it's always a quick phrase or photograph. I reserve this for more lengthy posts. Though, this one won't be much of anything.
Earlier today I was perusing the internet and I found this site; giant germs, you say?
I, honestly, cannot help myself. I want to have a bunch of little stuffed germs. I have determined that whenever I have children they will have stuffed germs, and germ paraphernalia. Just look at that adorable, common cold hand soap dispenser.
I would, most assuredly, cuddle with the flu knowing I would not become ill the following morning.
I have determined my future parenting tactics might result in unusual children, but that doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother them. Silly, little ovums; they have no idea what's coming.
Anyway, that is not the only thing I found. I also stumbled upon this site on how to be green without being an annoying hippie about it. I have resolved that with our next apartment we will be more organized and less wasteful. Also going to get Joshua to eat a little healthier, don't want him to leave me a widow. He promised to come back as ghost, but if I can't annoyingly tussle his hair then what's the point?
But I digress, this site has a lot of interesting items and things that will definitely result in us saving money over time. Plus the added bonus of not punching the earth in the face with all my plastic bags and other non-biodegradable globe-killing implements.
I mean, this reusable replacement for a sandwich bag is genius and cute. Can you really ask for more?

anniversaries

2011-05-21T19:29:00.000-07:00

josh bought me this for our anniversary, it was very unexpected. this is the first piece of “adult” or romantic jewelry i have ever received aside from my wedding set.

i feel so girly right now. josh is wonderful. i just bought him a 3 volume set on the history of the crusades. the first anniversary is the paper anniversary after all.

The tradition wherein certain gifts were given certain years originated in medieval germany. if a couple lived to be married 25 years they would receive a wreath of silver as a congratulations for their good fortune. then gold on their 50th. over time more gifts have been assigned to years.

1st year: Paper

2nd year: Cotton

3rd year: leather or glass

4th year: linen or silk

5th year: wood

6th year: iron

7th year: wool or copper

8th year: bronze

9th year: pottery

10th year: tin or aluminum

20th year: china

25th year: silver

30th year: pearl

35th year: coral or jade

40th year: ruby

45th year: sapphire

50th year: gold

55th year: emerald

there were more years, but far too many to list. there is a gift for every year. i guess next year i will get joshua some sort of clothing item.

swallows

2011-05-02T22:11:00.000-07:00

So I saw a bunch of swallows on my way home from work today and decided to draw some using various mediums. One with oil pastels, I literally haven't used them in years and I have re-realized they are not my thing. The other is with prismacolor markers, I have never used them before but am getting into illustration so I need to practice. So here they are, my sad attempts of the day.
I am way too tired.

owlbert evolves

2011-04-20T23:16:00.000-07:00

Here is more of Owlbert. Next I will work on Beauregard the tortoise and Sho and Tomoko the koi. Children's books are the most fun to illustrate.

Owlbert

2011-04-19T07:55:00.000-07:00

This is Owlbert. He is a character from a children's story I wrote for the children I used to nanny. I decided to write it all out and illustrate it. I am starting with the animal characters. The backstory for Owlbert is this:

The main character, Henry, finds Owlbert when he is four-years-old. He has a broken wing after getting caught in a storm. Owlbert is a talking owl, by the way. Henry nurses him back to help and insists on calling him "Owlbert" because it is like Albert, but he is an owl. But Owlbert dislikes this name. Nearly each time he is called that or introduces himself to someone he explains that he is "Sir Archibald Kingsley of the Royal Defense League for the Fighting Owl Brigade as protection for the Queen." After his wing was fixed he had planned to return home, but he had grown attached to Henry and decided to stay. Plus his comrades never came looking for him so he assumed he would be more loved with Henry. He is sort of a big softy.

If he was a human he would be a grumpy, old British man.

Should I give him spectacles or a monocle? I am leaning more towards spectacles.

This is just a basic idea or concept so far. I want my illustrations to be similar to those of older books, like Alice in Wonderland or Winnie the Pooh. You know what I mean.

I suppose growing up in a convent would be odd

2011-03-11T12:08:00.000-08:00

this is not an exageration

2011-01-26T11:15:00.000-08:00

This is pretty accurate. I may have cleaned up the dialog a bit. He gets a potty mouth when he is dieing.

snowy mush

2011-01-16T20:51:00.000-08:00

I drew a bird!

2011-01-14T11:26:00.000-08:00

So there is actually a funny story about how this drawing came to be.
I "awoke" around 3 am, barely awake. In my sleepy state I started a drawing for seemingly no reason, probably fueled by something in my dream. I got the torso and the wings drawn in pencil and finished the head in ink then promptly fell back asleep on it. This morning I woke up, feeling as if I had a screwdriver 20 minutes before with the paper pressed to my cheek. I was confused. My cat was not quite 6 inches from my face with my pen in her mouth. I finished the drawing after I woke up a little and here it is.
Not that great, but not that bad.
Yay, sleep bird.

in all seriousness

2011-01-12T17:07:00.000-08:00

Putting aside my silly comics and frivolous posts on eating disorders, art, and other such distractions there are things I am fearful of and tend distract me in other ways.
Sign this: http://www.globalzero.org/en/sign-declaration
This is an official petition supporting the removal or nuclear weapons across the globe.
Nuclear attack is something not to be taken lightly and it seems like something that is more than likely to happen in our lifetime. We have come close many times over and we can sleep easy not knowing what goes on behind closed doors away from the prying eyes of the public. But here we stand with the chance for action before us.
I don't care how preachy I sound.

There is a documentary called Countdown to Zero that gives an unbiased look on nuclear power and the global impact. It has left Joshua unnerved in ways I had never seen before. This is There Will Come Soft Rains by Sara Teasdale: (not the be confused with the short story by the same name by Ray Bradbury, which is equally haunting)

There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,

And the swallows circling with their shimmering sound;

And the frogs in the pools singing at night,

And wild plum trees in tremulous white;

Robins will wear their feathery fire,

Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;

And not one will know of war, not one,

Will care at last when it is done;

Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,

If mankind perished utterly;

And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn

Would scarcely know that we were gone.

My Friends' Species Identification Cards (to be continued...)

2011-01-12T08:24:00.000-08:00

There are more to come.
I intend to collect them like pokemon cards. Gotta have 'em all.

I got the idea from this blog: racheldraws. I have provided the link in my crucial links area. Check her and her sister out. Quite hilarious.

Joshua and the things he loves: part 1

2011-01-12T07:25:00.000-08:00

It didn't bother me, I just found it amusing. We are married, they are like half his now. Why ya gotta be so sneaky? Is it the catholic guilt creeping up on you again?

I am curious, however, as to why he thought this wouldn't wake me up.

Dave and Christine

2011-01-08T09:32:00.000-08:00

com

Irony? Ironic...irony?

2011-01-06T08:58:00.001-08:00

On any given day I hear one or more people misuse the word "irony." Even I might do it from time to time, but the point is that people do not take the time to educate themselves on the phrases they use regularly. It's sad in a big way. I'm not one of those people who likes to debate it either. I don't stand nearby ready to interject; "Ehem, actually that's not irony...."
There are actually 3 common uses of Irony:
1. Verbal Irony (the most common)
   This is when a speaker says one thing but means another. Most would call this sarcasm, though many scholars argue that sarcasm is not irony (despite it being the original definition). Example: "Yes, I would LOVE to get a root canal sans the anesthetic."
2. Dramatic Irony
   It is used in narratives when an event occurs that the audience may be aware of while the characters are still in the dark.This is a little harder to explain and understand, my literature teacher in high school it explained it as so: In the play Romeo and Juliet she fakes her death. The entire audience knows she is simply asleep, but Romeo believes her to be dead. People often confuse this with situational irony.
Sorry for that spoiler for those of you who still live under that rock.
3. Situational Irony
   This is when something happens and the opposite of what you would expect occurs. This is like buying a gun to protect yourself to only be shot by said gun or taking diet pills to lose weight that end up making you fat.

By now I am sure most of us have heard the song "Ironic" by Alanis Morrisette. Most of those situations mentioned are purely just unfortunate coincidences or events. Rain on a wedding day is not ironic unless you were using a weather machine to make it sunny and the opposite occurred. Good advice that you didn't take it just stupidity, not irony. One could argue that her phrase "It's like 10 thousand spoons when all you need is a knife," is a little bit of situational irony as you would expect a knife somewhere in the mix. Having no bowl would be more ironic. But I am not going to break down all the situations she presents us with. But it's a little ironic that her song isn't actually ironic, perhaps Alanis is more clever than we thought.
What is ironic is the American Board of the Preservation of the English Language attacking Alanis Morrisette claiming she was an example of Americans dumbing down the English language. She is Canadian.

O'Henry is the master of Irony. Perhaps you should give him a read for some good examples.

And just understanding irony doesn't give you the right to say whether something is a good example of irony. If it is ironic than it is ironic. Don't be that guy.

My complete and utter DISDAIN for Marquis de Sade

2011-01-06T08:58:00.000-08:00

Oh, Marquis de Sade, you both nauseate and infuriate me. He is, somehow, considered one of the best writers of France's history. His erotic writings helped coin the term "sadism." This can give you a nice hint as to the overall theme of his writings. I find him to be a vile and deplorable individual. His exaltation in the literary world is baffling. He was not enlightened, he was not an existentialist; he was simply a dirty man who wrote about dirty things. If you think James Joyce's love letters were dirty then you have no idea what you are in for. His work was viewed almost as an exploration of sexuality, but it is just pure smut.
He was born in 1740 in Paris and only child to an aristocratic family. They were wealthy and powerful, he lived an ideal childhood, given all the opportunities available to him. When he got older he served in the military, even fighting in the Seven Years War. Later, 1763, he married a young lady of another high-ranking family; Renee -Pelagie de Montreuil. Then things got...weird.
In 1768 he captured an tortured a prostitute. Word got out and the police warned all the brothels as he was considered a threat to all prostitutes (he was feared more than Jack the Ripper). As years passed he was found guilty of all sorts of sexual crimes ranging from public indecency to brutal acts of rape. Later he would seduce and get his sister-in-law to participate in an orgy, enraging both his wife and mother-in-law. Things actually get worse from this point on.
In 1772 he is given the death penalty for his crimes but escapes to Italy. He was then sort of banished from Paris and sent to his wife's family home in Normandy (why she was still with him I haven't the foggiest idea). From 1773 - 1777 he had a harem of young girls he used as sexual slaves. He arranged orgies and had several more scandals before being sentenced to 27 years in prison, that death sentence seemed to go away. It began in a dungeon in Vincennes. During his imprisonment he decided to curve his boredom by writing sexually graphic novels and plays.
After an escape attempt he was transferred to Bastille in Paris in 1784. During this time he wrote Les 120 Journess de Sodome. This became an underground "classic" for over a hundred years. A movie of the piece was made sometime in the 1970s. He was released from an insane asylum in 1790, after which his wife finally obtained a divorce. I am still curious as to why she waited so long.
He then wrote and published Justine (1791) and Juliette (1797) the sequel. These are two of his most famous works. These were about two sisters who, upon being orphaned, begin leading separate but equally depraves lifestyles. He sent a copy to Napoleon in 1803 and this only upset him. He then refused to say de Sade free, since he gone back into prison during this time.

de Sade's explanation for his work goes a little something like this: God is evil and denying this fact only gets you punished, hence Justine's awful treatment in the story (I read one excerpt from it and could hardly stomach that one paragraph). He believed it was our nature to be wicked and act accordingly. He thinks you should act on your instincts...nope. The people who's instincts are to rape and other such things wind up in prison for good reason. We punish these things not because we are trying to make people unhappy but because we want to protect individuals and uphold a good and moral society.
What bothers me the most is how he managed to survive the French Revolution. The only way he avoided being beheaded was to write a eulogy for Marat, the subject of controversy during the Revolution as well as the subject of my favorite painting by David. He played his cards effectively.
It is interesting that in the century following de Sade there was a very definite split between sexual perversions and a complete turn away from anything even remotely sexual. The Victorian era showed us angel-like women with heroic men juxtaposed to a seedy underbelly. The release of de Sade's work created a disturbing awakening. Things people previously thought were wrong became something to try.
"Maybe my depraved thoughts are normal. I shouldn't be worried about my soul."
No. No they are not. You should be concerned that these thoughts enter into your mind.Orgies and brutal rape are not and never will be okay. You feel ashamed of these acts for a reason, some are less sensitive to it than others but the shame is there all the same. People often cite the love letters of James Joyce, but I have read those, and while a little weird, they are pretty tame. These sexual perversions we so readily accept as eccentricities are leading a swift downfall of any honor. dignity, or pride our society had left. de Sade is why snuff films are made.
People will argue with me that de Sade was just writing what we think and want to do. But that can't possibly be true. There are people, upon reading his work, said that those thoughts had never occurred to them and the idea was revolting. de Sade and his followers represent the minority. de Sade believed in decadence and violent, sexual acts. He was everything any decent individual would vilify. They were called perversions for a reason, this isn't a miss-labeling, it is an accurate depiction of how truly far a society can crumble. See that abyss over there?

vegans...

2011-01-05T11:44:00.000-08:00

Normally, i would never really be bothered anyone's choice to partake in or avoid the consumption of meat or other by-products of animals. But recently I was at work where I was scoffed at for ordering a chicken sandwich. If you don't eat meat, that is just fine, I don't care. Judging me for the consumption of meat is a waste of both of our times. I am not going to get into some argument with you (and I know you are just waiting for me to argue with you so you can fight about your stance - and I know this is not true for all of them) But the fact is, your refusal of meat products is in and of it self a judgement on me for eating meat. Every time you eat the veggie burger while I eat my regular burger -with cheese- it's like a snide comment or eye roll. I'm not gonna make a big deal about it so why are you? And besides, it is nearly impossible to be entirely vegan, and here is why:

So, unless you plan to live in the woods and live off the land without any modern materials...you are not a true vegan.
This isn't meant to offend, more to inform and sort of vent. If you don't eat meat because it's a health issue or just a diet you are trying (like my friend Trey) that is fine and acceptable, if you think eating animals is wrong that is a whole other issue. I don't think you're awesome because you don't eat meant, I love animals too (I have the cutest cats ever), but I am also logical. I have seen animals killed and it does make me sad, but so do lots of thing. God didn't make chickens just so they could be adorable, he also made them yummy and full of protein and other vitamins our bodies need.
Just taking ethics out of the equation we are left with whether or not it is entirely healthy to be vegan. When you first start eliminating things from your diet your body goes through a detox that is very good for it, I do it myself from time to time. But eventually your body will need to go back to eating meat and getting dairy. I mean a vegan diet is high in fiber, low fat, and full of all sorts of nutrients, it has it's benefits. The better idea would be to have a well-balanced diet.

Hybrid Animals: Our Favorite, Morally Questionable Science Experiment

2011-01-02T17:16:00.000-08:00

So today Joshua and I were "stumbling" on the internet. We can across a web page all about various animal hybrids, while I know things like the liger existed before, some of the others things listed bothered me. I'm all for an adorable, but ridiculously impractical zebra-pony hybrid, but this only opens up the flood gates, or can of worms if you will, to other increasingly terrifying animals. I'm willing to accept the cama and the pumapard, but explain to me the need for the spider-goat. While this little guy is utterly adorable, I can only imagine the unavoidable chaos that will ensue when they become more spider than goat. Scientists claim their goal was to create this deceiving chimera was to harvest the silk from their milk for it's various applications, like random medical uses with ligaments and tendons. While that reason is all well and good...why are we involving goats, or any mammal for that matter? (sort of sounds like a weird pokemon...but what type could it possibly be?)
We should probably start with some basic explanations about hybrids and how they are possible:
1. single cross hybrids - results from the cross between two true breeding organisms and produces and F1 generation (F1 meaning filial, all meaning first offspring). That's like breeding a black cat with a white cat, to put it simply. Does anyone remember those mendel boxes in science glass sometime in junior high? Kinda like that.
2. double cross hybrids - results between the cross of two different F1 hybrids.
3. three-way cross hybrids (not in the dirty way, just the equally morally questionable way) - resulting from the cross between and F1 hybrid and one from a different inbred line. No banjos here.
4. triple cross hybrids - resulting from crossing two different three-way cross hybrids.
5. population hybrids - resulting from crossing plants or animals in a population with another population. These include crosses between organisms such as inter-specific hybrids (these are from the same genus, like horses and donkeys, hence the mule).
These population hybrids are the increasingly disturbing ones, and I still don't know where the spider-goat fits in. Though I fully support the creation of real life pokemon. Make me a Squirtle and a Piplup, I will evolve them myself! But that isn't even the most disturbing of the hybrids I have read about. And this brings us to the parahuman hybrids. Yes, human. We are this close (holding my fingers very closely together) to having a real life The Island of Dr. Moreau by H. G. Wells. Scientists have successfully put human DNA into mouse embryos as well as produced mice that produce human eggs and sperm. And in 2003 the Chinese successfully fussed human DNA with rabbit eggs. Then they made a mouse with a brain that was 1% human. Why? WHY?
Scientists argue that doing this can give us better knowledge as to how the body works, and help us produce better drugs or antibiotics, better immune-systems to study AIDS and create more viable organs, and blah blah blah. Say what you will scientists, we all know you are just doing this for fun, to push the limits as far as you can. Eventually we are going to create a hybrid that is more human than we could imagine. Then we are going to go all king Minos on it, a reference to my Minotaur post. What will we do with him/her? Study them in a lab the duration of their life? Remember the movie Splice or The Fly? Nothing worked out for anyone, pretty sure God was just pissed. Making a human and nonhuman chimera is unethical, let's be honest. The only reason we are doing this is to elongate human life. Our fear of death and the afterlife is so crippling that we will do anything to stave it off. Sounds like something Mr. Burns would fund.
Make your Zonys(ies?) and Ligers, but stop trying to make mice that can create human DNA or goats that create spider silk for whatever reason. There are plenty of hybrids that exist naturally of course, but we are just pushing the envelope now. I'm also against designer babies, by the way. Eliminating the chances of getting genetic disorders is acceptable, but aiming for the perfect blue-eyed girl seems a little 1930s Germany to me.

But seriously, make me one of these:
I will name him Edwin.

Joshua's views on John Lennon

2011-01-01T18:33:00.000-08:00

Allegory of the Cave

2010-12-31T21:33:00.000-08:00

Joshua came home and told me about an argument he entered into about Plato. Someone mentioned he had started reading Plato's The Republic and was enjoying it so far. Someone else invited themselves into the conversation, calling this reader a "pretentious fucking, entry-level hipster try-hard, shitty bastard." I won't even start with the fact that his choice of wording was not only sophomoric but also extremely uninspired (if you are going to insult, do it with flare).
First, I shall address the idea that it is pretentious. I think many people lack an understanding of what this word really means. Pretentious simply means creating an appearance of great worth, or ostentatious (the most ostentatious of words, ha. I made a funny). It means to put on a facade. The book itself is not doing this. Someone needs a dictionary. Next point; entry-leve is actually fairly accurate, but that is by no means a bad thing. You need to start somewhere, you can't dive in to Soren Kierkegaard without some basic understanding of some philosophical views.
Try-hard? I don't even understand this one. Hipster? I should certainly hope not. It is my understanding that hipsters do things only for the sake of image without any true enlightenment or understanding of anything. THAT'S PRETENTIOUS. I am done trying to determine where he has any sort of validity to his slew of crass insults.
I never read Plato myself until my freshmen year of college. I took a Philosophy 101 course as an introduction into the world of great philosophers and history. I had one of the best professors, Dr. James Pearce. He was bald, oddly muscular, and wore a lot of turtlenecks or underarmor shirts with sports jackets, but he was brilliant all the same. Even after my class with him we spoke often and had lunch on several occasions, then his wife left him. One day, mid-semester, he just left. Tony and I went to his office and everything was gone. It was sad, but he instilled a love of philosophy in me. I wish I could track him down, but I did find his book on amazon; Learning to Think. Buy it.

We read The Allegory of the Cave by Plato and I became enamored. It represented my awakening and discovery. I identified with the individuals within the story on the most basic level, though the comparisons stop after awhile. If you want to read the entire text click this link as my summary might leave a bit to be desired.
Here is a basic synopsis; there are several "prisoners" living in an underground cave. They have been chained and positioned in a way that they can only see the wall in front of them. They have lived their whole lives liked this (you have to have an open mind here as the situation is unbelievable). Elevated behind them are other men standing around a fire, some are making noise while others a silent. They have a screen where they have puppets that cast shadows on the wall for the prisoners to see. They also see the shadows of the men and things they carry. This leaves the prisoners to come up with words and names for all these things on their own.
One day a prisoner got out and stumbled into the outside world. He begins to understand everything, even the sun and it's importance to our existence. Plato's metaphor for the sun is near the end of his The Republic, book VI. He then returns back to the cave to tell the prisoners of what he has learned. They refuse to believe him.
This is my favorite writing by him. It is the perfect example to explain how we perceive reality. It represents a complex model for which we go through our lives and understanding. It is our path to complete awareness. The way in which it was approached gives us a unique look at how reality plays such an important part in our existence. The Matrix comes to mind, eh? The pill is his emergence from the metaphorical cave.

Random observance:
I have worked at various restaurants over the years, including now as I finish college. Why is it that baked potatoes are always more expensive than mashed potatoes or french fries? They clearly take the least amount of work.

On these two things I leave you with my final thoughts of 2010 and prepare for 2011. Tonight I drink wine and read with Joshua on my mind as he has to work this evening. You only have more to look forward to.

...and the Danes strike again

2010-12-31T12:28:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my new book; The Best Art You've Never Seen by Julian Spalding, I have learned about all sorts of interesting art pieces that have been stashed away for centuries for a plethora of reasons. One that caught my eye today was the Trundholm Sun Chariot. Like the Dancing Satyr of Mazara and Bronze Zeus (or maybe Poseidon), it was found hidden by nature. It was discovered in 1902 in a peat bog somewhere in Denmark. Them and their bogs...littered with all sort of artifacts, and lots of bodies apparently. The piece is made of bronze and gilded with gold.
This piece is theorized to teach initiates how the sun was pulled across the sky since they seem to believe it wasn't made purely for ornament or decoration (I think it easily could have been). According to Norse mythology Sol is the goddess of the sun. She would ride through the sky on her chariot pulled by her horses Arvak and Alsvid. Quite similar to the Greek Helios.
Interesting thing, only one side of the sun if gilded with the gold, the other side is plain. Which seems to indicate the darkness that would descend upon the world with the absence on the sun.
This entire concept is quite poetic and beautiful, as most of the mythological explanation for things. This probably was some sort of educational piece or even part of an altar piece, but you have to wonder how it ended u in that bog in the first place. According to this book it was intentionally broken into pieces and place carefully within the bog. Was this meant for preservation or destruction? Many anthropologists believe these bogs were often used as sacrificial sites. The nordic people seemed to believe these bogs had preserving properties (which is sort of correct) and this was probably an offering to Sol.

So many more interesting pieces in this book to discuss, be prepared for some education.

disorders-shmismorders: part 4

2010-12-30T20:15:00.000-08:00

I am sick of wanting

It's evil and it's daunting

How I let everything I cherish lay to waste

I am lost in greed this time, it's definitely me

I point fingers but there's no one there to blame

I need for something

No, let me break it down again

I need for something

But not more medicine

I am sick with wanting

I's evil how it's got me

And everyday is worse than the one before

The more I have, the more I think

I'm almost where I need to be

If only I could get a little more

Something has me (something has me)

Oh, something has me

Acting like someone I don't wanna be

Something has me (something has me)

These are some lyrics from a song called "Ill with Want" by The Avett Brothers - I feel endorse them. Good music, good lyrics, great singer. But that is beside the point. This song is one of the few that summarizes how I would feel during episodes of my own eating disorder. Jut last night I worked out for a great deal of time using ballet in order to lengthen and slim down my body. I have becoming obsessed again; desiring being ethereal and waif-like, thin and elegant.

I go through periods of not being concerned with my eating or activity to lengthly periods wherein I am incessantly concerned. The winter is the worst as I tend to desire more carbs and get more lethargic and want to bundle up. I am less apt to drive out to the gym to run for an hour. Then I feel guilty. I am slowly developing more of an activity disorder; moving as much as possible and doing ballet at home for many hours.
But there is more to this than me just worrying, there are some triggers. I will be entirely honest that the film Black Swan and some paintings of adult ballerinas nearly devastated me. I know this is irrational, but that doesn't make the feeling go away. I will admit, part of this has to do with my unfulfilled desire to be a dancer, but more now is that they have my ideal body type.
But let's be honest, there is a lot to being a ballerina that would be appealing to someone with an eating disorder;
1. a rigorous work ethic
2. a strict diet
3. a strong sense of balance and self-control
4. perpetuating endless grace.
This sounds like being a ballerina is being ultimately feminine. What woman does not want to be eternally graceful? These women (and men) are strong and controlled and something to revere.
Most of my life I have had a dancer's physique, but as I have gotten more lax in my activity it has become more... curvaceous than I would like.
It is more that I, and many other eating disorder sufferers, would like more control. We need to balance between the food we eat and the amount of activity we put out, and we certainly shouldn't purge. But this is the same for anyone, there needs to be balance. Last night, after a shower and my work out, I watched a documentary called "Killer at Large: Why Obesity is America's Greatest Threat". Through the duration of the film I was overcome with disgust and shame and fear. Yes, fear. I was petrified of becoming even the slightest bit pudgy.
It is true that america has food available in mass and it tends to be more fattening than before. But what is the most interesting is that out society perfectly represents both ends of the spectrum; morbidly obese and extreme (intentional)malnutrition. But how exactly do we have such a dynamic? Recent statistics show that Europe, Japan, and America have the same number of fast food restaurants so it isn't their presence alone doing this. The truth is that america is one of the most gluttonous cultures in the world. Perhaps I should also define gluttony precisely: it is the act of eating in excess or withholding from yourself in excess. Pretty much just too much of anything is bad. This fostering of overindulgence has lead to a fat cultural identity. The world sees america as fat and when there are vulnerable individuals with CNC or other issues they will identify with this they see themselves as fat. I see these reports nearly everyday, you know the kind. They show huddled masses of obese americans with their faces cropped out of the picture. If that is american then is that me? This can lead to an identity crisis.
Don't even get me started on the whole body dismorphic disorder that this can result in. It seems america would rather focus on our obese, while this is an important issue, we can't forget the individuals on the other end. This situations just feeds them - no pun intended.
I recently read a report where an obese 12-year-old girl weighed in at nearly 230 lbs. and got liposuction. 12! Our society likes it's quick fix but that seems a little ridiculous. We need to change our way of eating, portion sizes, etc. Did you know that an average adult sized value meal at McDonalds is nearly 1180 calories? The suggested caloric intake for the day is 2000. Their children meals are just as bad, they have enough calories for an adult male.
The public reaction seems to be indifference. We are obese and we are starving. But this doesn't stop us from putting pressure on those already thin. Our models are the "face of america" and this obesity epidemic puts more pressure on them to stay thin and even get thinner. We have women and men striving to be as thin as they can and others who are overindulging for all sorts of reasons. We are killing ourselves with and without food. We are a food obsesses society.

I feel that there are some other issues our youth are facing, not only does american have a fat identity we also have all these other cultures battling it out. We are the melting pot and I have started developing a theory I call "the melting pot effect". In my next eating disorder post I will try to summarize my ideas as best I can.

updates:
I bought a new book today entitled Hunger: A Mother and Daughter Fight Anorexia by Sheila and Lisa Himmel. The basic synopsis is about a mother who was a food journalist and a daughter who developed an eating disorder. The irony is not lost on me. I intend to use any information I gather there to help develop my thesis. I also bought an art history book about censorship and such called The Best Art You've Never Seen by Julian Spalding. Also, I have added a new link to my friend Mikey's blog. He gets displeased and blogs about it, always a good read.

pokemon comic

2010-12-22T18:31:00.000-08:00

Why do the pokemon lay eggs? Can someone answer me that? If the bird types do that it's fine...but pikachu? It's a mouse, a thunder mouse. And I can mate the small thunder mouse with a giant whale, successfully. I suppose I don't really need to be analyzing my video games this much.

The Fall: One of the greatest movies ever made

2010-12-22T12:39:00.000-08:00

The Fall.
I easily one of the greatest films and stories I have ever seen.I was at blockbuster with my father after getting back from the doctor's office, this was 2 years ago. We were walking down the aisles and the cover of this film caught my eye. To be honest, I tend to live by that sometimes. If the cover is intriguing I will pick it up. With books, on occasion, I will sometimes buy them without reading the synopsis. So far it has always worked out in my favor.
It was directed by Tarsem Singh and starred Lee Pace, Catinca Untaru, and Justine Waddell. It is based on the 1981 screenplay by Valeri Petrov. It was filmed in several different countries over a few years.
It takes place in the happening 1920s, Los Angeles is the setting. Roy (Lee Pace) plays a stuntman who has been injured and is lying in a hospital, waiting for news and also going over the loss of his love to another man. He is paralyzed from the waist down from a fall. Then, one day, a note blows through the window and lands on his bed. Alexandria (Catinca Untaru) wanders in to get it back. She has a broken elbow or shoulder that she got when she had a fall as well. He identifies with her through this.
Roy then asks her to touch his toes, but not to tell him which one. He guesses wrong, but she lie to make him feel better. He must know she is lieing though.
He then decides to tell her a story, stopping at clever moments in order to ask for favors. And the story he tells is beautiful. I can't even begin to explain all the lovely imagery. There are several characters like an ex-slave, masked bandit, explosives expert, and indian swordsman and Charles Darwin (the only one with a name) and smaller stories that create this incredibly impressive and moving world we can't help but awe at and become so entranced. I will simply post images to entice you, the story is far too involved and pretty much just a conglomeration of several stories within other stories. Summarizing it would confuse both you and me. The film is lush and audacious, it leaves nothing to be desired.

But what I find more interesting is the title paired with the dispositions of our two main characters here. She represents something innocent and ready to mold, he has experienced life a lot up to this point (don't even get me started on his romantic entanglements). Both are in this hospital after having suffered a terrible fall, him from a horse on a very high bridge, and her from a tree in an orchard. But within the film the fall that counts the most is the one that Alexandria takes later, after having been manipulated by Roy's character into procuring more pain killers for him. This fall results in a terrible head wound and further injury. This could mark her fall from grace, so to speak. While she may maintain her good nature internally, she is unaware of how not having a better sense of self or solid groundings in her values can result in her demise. Sure, we have all done questionable things for our close friends, but at what cost? There are the immediate physical wounds that will heal, but how do we deal with the later realizations that all of our hardships could have been prevented had we had the courage to say no despite what the "consequences" may have been, in her case the consequences would be not hearing the end of the story. Then of course there are our fresh views of our "friends" after that point.
While Roy wasn't evil in nature, he was temporarily acting in a very selfish manner. All he wanted was to permanently end his suffering and he was so blinded by this he failed to see he had turned Alexandria into a pawn. But, as always, he is redeemed. He holds her hand and fixes everything for her. He builds her back up, though only after shattering her ideas and beautiful views of the world.
For Roy this fall marks the chance for change and rebirth, much like the season to precede winter. This fall is followed by transcendence and a new sense of self for both Roy and Alexandria, though with her young age it only makes sense this will happen many times over before she reaches his age.
I could go on and one about all the messages and ideas floating around in this film, but there are too many and so little time. But it is worth several viewings, I am quite certain even I am missing a few things.

But here I am, analyzing a story that should really just be appreciated for what it is, a beautiful story. Why aren't you out renting this now or finding it on netflix? Do it now!

The Minotaur

2010-12-12T10:30:00.000-08:00

In all of the myths I have read, all of them sad in their own right, none has quite bothered me more than that of the minotaur. I think what strikes me so is that the minotaur...well, he isn't a monster, by any means. It's true, like the common misconceptions about Frankenstein's monster, that the minotaur was misunderstood by the majority of the literary and artistic community. George Fredrick Watts got it right, however (right).
He was, in fact, a hybrid between a human and animal. This human was Pasiphae, wife of King Minos of Crete. The animal was a bull sent by Neptune. The exact details of their union are...as creepy and wrong as you would expect. She didn't have some fetish for these creatures, it was a "spell", for the lack of a better term. When Minos did not follow through with his promise of sacrificing a fine beast to Neptune he cursed Pasiphae in retaliation.
Pasiphae, now stricken with a lust for the bull Neptune sent, had Daedalus (father of Icarus, who's disobedience cost him his life) build her a wooden cow in which she could place herself. This little trick was successful as it mated with her and she soon became pregnant with an abomination of nature. She gave birth to a half-bull and half-human hybrid they named Minotaur, which means "Minos bull". They then shut him away in a labyrinth which was also constructed and designed by Daedalus.
Every year he was fed seven young men and young women as a tribute to the king. One year a prince named Theseus was selected and he killed the bull, with the help of Aridane, Minos's daughter.

What is so disheartening about this is his imprisonment and treatment. He was simply a hybrid, and as awful and monstrous as he seemed, he had to have more going on. In the painting done by Watts we get the sense of sadness and longing. He wants freedom and acceptance. This image and idea of a wanting and misunderstood creature has resonated with artists world over. His figure has been remastered and represented by artists well into the modern era, even Picasso took a swing at it. It has even been adapted into an opera by Harrison Britwistle and David Harsent, it opened in the fall of 2008 in London.
Maybe he did become evil in his own way, but perhaps his environment made him that way. Like Frankenstein's monster he was a product of his unusual entrance into the world and upbringing. There is an Etruscian view that offers us an alternative perspective, we see his mother balancing the infant minotaur on her knee, lovingly holding him in her arms. We make him the antagonist but we forget he had a mother and was part human himself. It isn't up to us to decided which part that was.
Maybe I'm too sensitive about it, but I think alternate views are important and I tend to have a bleeding heart for these misunderstood figures that dawn the pages of our art and history books.

Echo and Narcissus

2010-12-11T19:28:00.000-08:00

There have been times in my life wherein I have been so beside myself with grief I could do nothing more but wander. When I was 18 or so I remember pacing the aisles at a bookstore. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, just...staring. But in my aimless pacing a print caught my eye. In my utter heartbreak I stumbled upon Echo and Narcissus by John William Waterhouse. Perhaps because her pain seemed to mirror mine, I'm not sure. But I picked it up and bought a book about them that day. I took it home and didn't put the book down, for what seemed like, days. The image of Echo and her myth left me mesmerized, entranced, completely enthralled. I sketched her countless times. But her story, is was captured me so completely.
The story of Echo is a sad one, but not unlike the ones we would expect from greek mythology. If you are opening a mythology book expecting anything but despair you will be disappointed, though Penelope from the Odyssey will at least help you regain some hope.
Zeus, well, he is known for his philandering and...other personality attributes and in the story of Echo this certainly becomes a factor. While Zeus was off gallivanting, Echo would prattle on and on to distract Hera. Echo, who really seemed to love the sound of her voice, did this without a second thought. This will result in her demise. Hera finds out about this trickery, as she usually does, and decides to punish Echo by taking away her voice and only allowing her foolishly repeat the words of another. Hence our the name for the echoing phenomenon. Now this punishment, is surprisingly tame compared to some of the others Hera has doled out, and for much less.
So Echo is off, wandering voiceless when she sees Narcissus. Narcissus, as prophesied by Teiresias, was to live into old age as long as he "never knew himself." He was out hunting stags when she spotted him, and she decided to follow him. She was quite stealthy about it until he finally heard her. He called out but all she could do was repeat his words. When she tried to embrace him he turned her away. She continued to watch him, however. One day he saw his reflection in a pool and became so entranced by his form he couldn't look away. Echo just watched on as he wasted away staring at his own reflection. Echo, all the while, was heartbroken and wasted away herself, until only her voice remained.
Heart wrenching in all sorts of ways. Here I was; in love with a boy so distant from me in so many ways, he's further away now than he ever was (as he should be I imagine) and I find this. It gave me some sort of...validation. The validation I never received from him.
There is something cathartic about mythology for me, and I think the same could apply to many others.

berardi

2010-12-09T09:48:00.000-08:00

That is Berardi. He has a link, ya know...check it.

I did this instead of some homework.

Fairy Tales: part 1

2010-12-08T14:13:00.000-08:00

When I was little my favorite fairy tale or bedtime story was The Velveteen Rabbit, Beauty and the Beast was a close second. My sister's was Snow White. Everyone has some story from their childhood that they simply adored and couldn't get enough of. But isn't it interesting what our favorite stories mean about the adults we are today or the decisions we made growing up?
If I really think about myself; my insecurities and approach to relationships...the fairy tales I loved so dearly as a child molded the thought process behind my actions as an adult.I will begin with a brief description ad some quotes of The Velveteen Rabbit. The story is simple; a young boy receives a stuffed rabbit for christmas. But unlike most, this is told from the perspective of the rabbit. So the rabbit is given to the young boy, he doesn't know anything outside of the toy room. He knows not of real rabbits. He talks to the skin horse (rocking horse) about what it means to be 'real'.
       "What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender,before nana came to tide the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
       "Real isn't how you're made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a really long time, not just plays with you, but REALLY loves you. That's when you become real."
       "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
   "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are real you don't mind being hurt."
       "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
   "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse, "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to the people who don't understand."
Then, as time wears on, the boy plays with the rabbit. He plays with him everyday and everywhere. He loves him until he looses his shape, until his ears flop down and his nose ceases to be pink. This reminds me of the shapeless stuffed dog a friend of mine still has to this day. But the rabbit loves the boy and the boy loves him. One day he is left outside and meets two real rabbits who mock him, they claim he is not real while he adamantly fights that he is.
Soon the boy becomes very ill, with scarlet fever. The boy clings to the rabbit through out his illness, that is until the doctor orders all his toys be destroyed for the might carry germs. So the nurse bagged all his toys and put them in a bag outside to be burned. This deeply saddened both the boy and the rabbit. In fact, this made the rabbit cry. And one single, REAL tear tickled down his cheek and onto the ground.Where the tear landed a flower grew. And form that flower came a fairy. She saw the stuffed rabbit and told him that since he was very loved and real to the boy then he should be loved to the rest of the world. So she made him a real rabbit. [Quite pinocchio-esq, ehh?]

Lovely, right? I had always thought so and I can certainly see how I enjoyed it immensely as a child. It still strikes a chord today. It becomes very obvious to me where me ideas for meaningful relationships emerge, and my issues with emotions and love. I would much rather dive into a relationship and risk utter heart break than to be left wondering. This has created a few issues on my part....recklessness with the heart, and not just mine. Then there's my non-romantic pairings. My friends like Christine or Joshua Berardi. Even now I often wonder how they truly feel towards me, but then again the eating disorder and CNC comes to mind when I consider these insecurities. But could this also explain why I identify with these stories? Do I need validation in order to believe in myself? Could this also explain the distance I have to my family? My analysis seems to pose more questions than answers, per usual.
I suppose the more adult Beauty and the Beast may yield better results on this front.
This only explains me, however. Perhaps Andrea's love of Snow White explains her issues with authority and following instructions. She does tend to act as Snow White did within the tale, minus running away to live with little people who were also coal miners.

Sheldon Cashdan wrote a book entitled The Witch Must Die all about the hidden meanings of fairy tales, in high school it quickly became a book that was read so frequently it has now fallen apart. I need to buy a new copy, but this book helped shape my views on psychology and our childhood development. I have to wonder where eating disorders come into play within these tales writing paths towards the adult versions of ourselves.
More research is on the way.

musings of the afternoon: armies of tortoises

2010-12-07T15:14:00.000-08:00

Today Joshua and I went grocery shopping. We have determined the best time to go is anywhere from 2:00 or 4:00 in the afternoon. It is only then you can be certain it will be the least bustling. The mall smelled wonderful though, the roasted almond smell is the only part of christmas shopping I enjoy.
Weird thing though, there seemed to be some sort of preschool on a field trip at the mall. There were dozens of them all over the food court area. Armies of them crowding the Panda Express. It reminded me of a conversation I had with my sister once. Andrea theorized that an army of anything is scary; anything. I thought about it for awhile, longer than I should have to be honest. I don't think an army of Galapagos tortoises would be threatening. They just slowly amble forward...

Beware our slowly impending doom. DOOM!

I am far too easily distracted. I challenge Andrea's theory.

knitting

2010-12-06T17:17:00.000-08:00

Sometime last year my friends Amanda and Emily taught me how to knit. This was...frustrating in the beginning. I sort of cheated and ended up going to youtube knitting channels to watch videos of others knitting to figure it out better. I could have never been amish; I have a potty mouth and a tendency to give up when I get overly frustrated. In fact, I got so annoyed with trying to learn to purl stitch I threw the piece I was working on at my kitten and didn't pick up knitting again for nearly 4 months.
In fact, I drew a comic of said event.
See the frustration on my face?
So far I have knitted 3 successful scarves. I am working on a blanket now. But honestly, I should really be doing homework instead.

So..back to that. Back to drawing naked men. Ugh.

christine

2010-12-06T15:45:00.000-08:00

I intended for this to be the 4th post about my eating disorders study and disclosure, but I have determined my own theory needs more development. So it will have to wait...though I doubt anyone will be upset by this delay.
So, instead of psychology you get:

This is Christine. She is the bee's knees. She is the only reason to keep me from wanting to move to Portland, OR. Too far away.
Yes, this is just a post about my friend Christine. She likes avocados, Caitlin's cat doesn't like her much for some reason, she also likes pomegranates and cheez its.
She also constantly craves chewy chocolate chip cookies. We became friends nearly 2 years ago when her and Trey broke up. This ended up being fairly beneficial for me in the friend's department. Now I have 3 close female companions (she's the best though). This is a big deal.
I knitted her a scarf for part of her christmas present, but now I am displeased with it now that I have finally mastered the purl stitch. I will make her better things. It is my goal that over the course of our entire friendship I fill an entire closet in her future house of knitted things. You know, the kind that is so full that she has to be careful opening the door as to avoid an avalanche of knits that will leave her buried in the hallway - I can see it now; her little hands sticking out from under a monstrous pile of yarn and thread reaching hopelessly for freedom. She will end up with many many scarves and blankets, those are the only things I can do really well so far.
In my head I imagine she speaks spanish to random objects about her house, I don't know why. I think I dreamt it once.

disorders-shmismorders: part 3

2010-12-04T19:56:00.000-08:00

Peggy Claude-Pierre cites CNC as the sole cause for eating disorders, but on this one point I have to disagree. Sometimes it's hard to maintain a healthy body weight and be happy with your body with certain images floating around in the media. The diet and fashion industries can have huge influences on many individuals. And with the recent rise in the awareness of eating disorders it has had both positive and negative effects. The high profile of eating disorders in both academic and popular press suggest a cultural fascination with eating disorders. This tells us that not only does it have an impact on the individual level but is also of a wider cultural relevance. It is beginning to be recognized as a 'culture-bound; syndrome.
When it comes to women and gender, a lot of the issues can stem from how we view femininity. Eating disorders can be viewed as a manifestation of socio-cultural concerns of the late 20th century concerns about femininity and feminism, about the body, and about control. But an eating disorder can result in the loss of femininity in some women.
Obviously the most basic indicators of the female form are a curvaceous torso, breasts, and just overall a shapely figure. When eating disorders become so serious that the individual's weight spirals into the lower double digits she ceases to maintain her feminine figure. So is the strive to be feminine a legitimate reason? Maybe, another indicator of femininity is delicateness and lightness. The smaller you get the more delicate and graceful you appear. That was certainly a draw for me.

Women will get smaller and smaller, comparing themselves to the women on the television, movies, magazines, etc. You can tell me or anyone else over and over again how small we are, how nice our bodies are...but you have to realize in the mind of an anorexic or any other type there is no objectivity; just subjectivity. They tend to lack an identity and view the world as if it is some sort of twisted fantasy.
And don't even get me started on the paranoia that you are trying to make us fat. I remember being convinced my boyfriend was trying to get me to gain weight because...no logical reason.
But back to the focus on eating disorders in the media. Back in 2006 a fashion model named Ana Carolina Reston died due to complications from anorexia nervosa. She had a diet consisiting only of apples and tomatoes and had a BMI of only 13.4, below the index value of 16. Which is, according the the World Health Organization, is considered to be starvation. She died at age 22. She is pictured above and to the right.
Another model died earlier that same year. Her name was Luisel Ramos, she was also 22. She died of heart failure caused by anorexia nervosa. The three months before her death she ate only lettuce and diet coke, according to her father. And at the time of her death she had a BMI of only 14.5, weighing 97lbs. And just a year later her younger sister succumbed to the same fate; suffering from a heart attack caused by malnutrition.
In the news we read all about this, but we still seem to lack proper awareness. I don't ever remember ever going over eating disorders in any of my health or biology classes. And it was hardly touched on in my high school psych classes. If anything we should be educating ever younger girls about the dangers of this and getting them to be more in tune and happy with their bodies. Teach them how to be healthy. Just recently I watch a documentary about a girl who was only 8 years old, and she had anorexia so severely she had to be placed in a treatment facility.
So is this just CNC? I think it seems to be a combination of both CNC and outside forces. But is there still more going on? Are there still other factors? In the next post on this topic I will address a theory of my own I have been toying with.

sources:
The Thin Woman by Helen Malson
The Secret Language of Eating Disorders by Peggy Claude-Pierre

disorders-shmismorders: part 2

2010-12-03T19:31:00.000-08:00

As said in the first post there are many theories as to why an individual may develop an eating disorder. The one I tend to adhere to the most is a theory developed and coined by Peggy Claude-Pierre. This is CNC - Confirmed Negativity Condition. She says that this disorder is the underlying cause, it is a complex thought process that plagues the mind. In fact, the eating disorder is to CNC what a rash is to the measles. It's a symptom, but not meant to minimize the severity of an eating disorder.
I suppose the best way to explain CNC is like a civil war within the mind. The predisposition for CNC begins early in life, though just because one might have CNC does not mean one will develop and eating disorder. Keep that in mind. Other manifestations from CNC can include depression, agoraphobia, panic attacks, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or somatic disorders. An individual can have any or more of these manifestations without actually having an eating disorder. But some can often coexist with an eating disorder. An example of that might include being very agoraphobic and being anorexic. Also, when healing from an eating disorder one might replace said disorder with another manifestation.
CNC tends to precede the disorder and is the root of it. It is like a parasite that attempts to consume all rational thought. She calls us and our rationality the Actual Mind. Milton said it best in Paradise Lost:
       "The mind is it's own place, and in itself,
        Can make a heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven."
But there is much more to understanding CNC. In order to getting into the mind of someone with CNC you must realize that certain types of people are far more susceptible to to the "negative mind" than others. The people that are most at risk are the ones who are essentially altruistic and does not want to be a burden on her family or society by reaching out for aid. Moreover, victims of CNC tend to assume they are not wanted, they feel unworthy and feel like they are being excluded from things because they are any negative adjective they can think of.
I have tried to explain CNC before and it never comes out sounding right. Some don't quite understand. It's as if there is a voice in your head always telling you that you are fat, worthless, pathetic, etc. And the voice is relentless; beating down on you almost every minute. Even now whenever I eat I need to be watching or doing something in order to distract myself and the negative thoughts from what I am doing. But the sad thing is that I shouldn't need to distract myself. And this is how a lot of eating disorder sufferers go through.
A big part of what some people with eating disorders do is collect "thinspiration". This is basically a book or folder full of photographs, quotes, or "dieting" tips, as well as other little tricks to prevent weight gain and encourage weight loss. Here are some examples from my former thinspiration notebook:
       1. Eat on a blue or black plate since darker colors make you feel full faster.
       2. Always wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you feel hungry.
       3. Chew sugar free gum whenever you feel hungry, but don't eat too many as they are about 5 calories per piece.
       4. When craving something make a list of why you shouldn't eat it and read it over 20 times or so. The craving will pass in about 20 minutes.
   5. Make a meal plan to limit your food intake.
       6. Look at supermodels and other thin people to remind yourself what you want to look like.
       7. Move as much as possible! Exercise whenever you can.
   8. Pinch your fat. Always remember there is something to lose.
These are just some of the many crazy things I wrote down to keep my weight down. Anna Faris was a body type I emulated a great deal. I'm watching a movie starring her right now and it's hard not to compare myself and feel down. At the height of my disorder in high school, my senior year to be exact, there was one book that helped me identify. It is you remind me of you by Eireann Corrigan. It is a poetry memoir about a girl who has an eating disorder and all the other issues of her life that impacted her. There is a particularly powerful scene, it reminded me of my father and something he might do had he known;
   After I fell asleep doing sit-ups on the family room,
   floor, he carried me upstairs to my bed and he must have been
cursing you the whole heavy trip. And later
when they caught me hiding food, when my mom
would stand behind me on the scale and cry at the numbers --
Those mornings, when I would bundle up at five to run
he'd creep behind me in the station wagon in case I fell
and didn't get back up. Sometimes I'd make it
home just to faint in the shower and my dad had to
listen for that tumble and rush in to swing the faucet
from hot to cold.
This is just one of the many excerpts from the very moving book. I suggest anyone with eating disorder issues read this.

But CNC is just part of the problem for people with eating disorders. There are still other factors to discuss. to be continued....

sources:
The Secret Language of Eating Disorders by Peggy Claude-Pierre
The Thin Woman by Helen Mason
The Eating Disorder Sourcebook by Carolyn Costin, M.A., M.Ed., M.F.T.
you remind me of you by Eireann Corrigan

disorders-shmismorders: part 1

2010-12-03T14:35:00.000-08:00

Every so often, despite my best efforts and rationality, I hit a brick wall (figuratively). Eating disorders...it is an ugly pair of words...is something many, including myself, have had to confront. Hence the focus within my major. There are so many misconceptions about eating disorders floating around you have to wonder how some of us actually get better with certain labels cast on us. So I have resolved to blog about eating disorders using all my books and own experiences to give at least a semi-thorough description of this dreadful chapter in the history of psychology and man.
To begin with I will define anorexia as it is explained in the DSM-IV. This is the most basic diagnostic criteria for 307.1 Symptoms of Anorexia Nervosa:
A. Refusal to maintain body weight at or above a minimally normal weight for age and height (e.g., weight loss leading to maintenance of body weight less than 85% of that expected, or failure to make expected weight gain during period of growth leading to body weight less than 85% of that expected).
B. Intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat, even though underweight.
C. Disturbance in the way in which one's body weight of shape is experienced, undue influence of body weight or shape on self-evaluation, or denial of the seriousness of the current low body weight.
D. In postmenarcheal females, amenorrhea [the absence of at least 3 consecutive menstrual cycles] will occur.
        -Restricting Type: during the current episode of anorexia nervosa, the person has NOT regularly engaged in binge-eating or purging behavior (i.e., self-induced vomiting or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas).
       -Binge-Eating/Purging Type: during the current episode of anorexia nervosa, the person has regularly engaged in binge-eating or purging behavior.
Other symptoms include: hypothermia, bradycardia, hypotension, edema, lanugo, and a variety of other metabolic changes.
I have experienced most of this, minus the enemas and laxatives. It's a scary time for most. We feel like we have control over what we are doing; our eating, not eating, purging, working out to burn off every calorie we consumed. But the truth is this behavior shows a complete lack of control over what is happening to us. It is as if we are answering to a separate entity other than our selves.
One of the first case studies about the disorder was recorded in the early 1900s, it is one of the most descriptive details we have from the patient's perspective. The patient's name was Ellen West. she committed suicide at age 33 because she could no longer handle her disorder and the struggle she had manifested itself with an obsession with food. She wrote this in her diary:
       "Everything agitates me, and I experience every agitation as a sensation of hunger, even if I have just eaten.
       I am afraid of myself, I am afraid of the feelings to which I am defenselessly delivered over every minute. I am in prison and I cannot get out. It does no good for the analyst to tell me that I myself have placed the armed men there, that they are theatrical figments and not real. To me they are very real."
This is powerful. I mean, I can recall a very specific instance where I was crying on my kitchen floor. Something overcame me and I could stop crying. I felt pathetic and weak. I felt useless and wasteful. I had lost all control. If I were to read an excerpt from my journal it may say some of the same things as Ellen West. In fact, during my senior year of high school there is a passage that is three pages of nothing but "You are a worthless, fat big. No one wants to be around you" over and over again.
I was so ashamed. I didn't want to tell anyone. It wasn't until recently that I told my husband, my sister Andrea, and my friend Christine. I told them how severe it once was and how I still suffer with it. Even as I sit here now I feel guilty about what I ate today. It doesn't matter how irrational I know it is, rationality doesn't exist in the world of someone with an eating disorder.

Then there's bulimia nervosa. While it is very similar to anorexia some of the behaviors vary as well as some of the basic mentalities or reasons for their behavior.
307.5 Symptoms of Bulimia Nervosa:
A. Recurrent episodes of binge eating. An episode of binge eating is characterized by both of the following-
1) eating, in a discreet period of time, an amount of food that is definitely larger than most people would eat during a similar period period of time under similar circumstances.
2) a sense of lack of control over eating during the episode (e.g., that one cannot stop eating or control what or how much one is eating).
B. Recurrent inappropriate compensatory behavior in order to prevent weight gain, such as self-induced vomiting; misuse of laxatives, diuretics, enemas, or other medications; fasting; or excessive exercise.
C. The binge eating and other inappropriate compensatory behaviors both occur, on the average, at least twice a week for 3 months.
D. Self-evaluation is unduly influenced by body shape and weight.
E. The disturbance does not occur exclusively during episodes of Anorexia Nervosa.
       -Purging type: during the current episode of bulimia nervosa, the person has regularly engaged in self-induced vomiting or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas.
       -Non-purging Type: During the current episode of bulimia nervosa, the person has used other inappropriate compensatory behaviors, such as fasting or excessive excercise, but has not regularly engaged in self-induced vomiting or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas.
Other than bulimia and anorexia, there is also an activity disorder which is characterized by excessive activity to burn calories and not stay still.
I used to use my toothbrush to trigger my gag reflex to purge after eating. I have done a good job of not doing that, but I remember a friend of mine and I in high school getting our hands on some ipecac.

But the question is, how did this happen? How did we get this way? There are various theories as to how these disorders can develop within a person. And that will be addressed in the next post...that will be equally long.

sources:
The Eating Disorder Sourecebook by Carolyn Costin, M.S., M.Ed., M.F.T
The Secret Language of Eating Disorders by Peggy Claude-Pierre
The Thin Woman by Helen Malson
you remind me of you by Eireann Corrigan
and myself

Medea

2010-12-02T20:18:00.000-08:00

Medea was a figure of myth long before Tyler Perry stole the name for a series of extremely low brow comedies. In fact, I found myself quite annoyed when I went to google to find images for a mythology paper. The first few pages were nothing by images form Tyler Perry movies. Aggravating...
But I digress.

Medea was a play written by Euripides. The story is ever so interesting. In my mythology class I was assigned the play and had to give a presentation.I'm not the best public speaker, but I was fairly effective. Anyway, Medea is most commonly referred to as she exists within that specific play by her name, but she does appear in several other stories. Her major characteristics are that she was a sorceress and lover of Jason (the guy with the golden fleece).
She was the daughter of King Aeetes, granddaughter of Helios (the sun god), and niece of Circe (who was depicted in Odyssey for turning Odysseus's crew into pigs, she is also the mother of the minotaur). As you see she has a colorful lineage.
So Jason appears on her island to capture the golden fleece. Medea falls hopelessly in love with him and agrees to help him on his quests.
Medea creates a potion for Jason that prevents him from being injured by the fire-breathing bulls and then casts an enchantment over the dragon guarding the golden fleece so Jason can get by undetected. Basically...he cheated. When he completes the missions he agrees to take Medea away with him and marry her. As they are leaving the island Medea kills her brother, Apsyrtus, and scatters his body in pieces behind them. This slowed their pursuers down as it is dishonorable to leave the body in such a state.
Once in Jason's home of Iolcus Medea used her trickery to help him reclaim his throne from his uncle Pelias. Using magic tricks she convinced Pelias's daughters to kill him which opened up the place for Jason. Then they fled to Corinth. Shortly after this they were wed and had two children. This is where the story gets more interesting.
So they have been married for awhile, living comfortable in Corinth until Glauce, daughter of King Creon, catches Jason's eye. Jason then runs off with her in order to become next in ling to the throne in Corinth. Then he and the king have Medea cast out. With this betrayal Medea snaps. She devises a plan that results in the death of Glauce and the King, then she kills her own children to punish Jason further. Before she can be punished for her own actions she is rescued by her grandfather and ushered off the Athens where she marries King Aegeus, who we suspect she had been in cahoots with all along. Then they marry and her trail of despair and death continues.
But I intend to focus more on the play by Euripides.While there is certainly no argument claiming Medea was a good woman who was wrong, you have to take into consideration what Jason did. He first used her in order to complete some tasks and promised her marriage later, getting her to kill her own brother. Then he does marry her and has children with her only to leave her and cast her out later? If there was a douche by any other name...pardon my comparison.
But if we take the fact that she was essentially an evil wizard out of the equation do you feel even the slightest bit of compassion? I certainly did, but once she murdered her children it faded away. And by faded I mean disappeared with the snap of my fingers (assuming I could snap my fingers). Then there's Glauce...pursuing a married man? For shame. This is something I would expect to see on trashy daytime television, though I suppose this behavior had to begin somewhere. But it seems Medea is simply a woman scorned.
Wouldn't you agree? I'm not defending the things she did, but I am saying that I can see where the desire might occur. If Joshua left me for another woman I would be destroyed and livid.
But this is one of the many endlessly entertaining myths I fill my time with studying. Sometimes it helps to identify to them. Echo served as a therapeutic comparison for a short time for myself.

I honestly need to start working on my homework instead of blogging about things I doubt very few people read.

Life updates:
I have resolved to get a tattoo. It will be a chambered nautilus shell, the proportions and measurements found using the golden ratio. Perfect balance. Done in dark brown ink on the inside of my left wrist. I will be going with my darling Christine when she gets her tattoo done. She is getting giraffe spots on the inside of her left wrist as well. Though more to cover up the tattoo she allowed her ex-boyfriend to give her. It is a simple peace sign (I love here but that is horrible cliche...) but something she wishes to forget all the same.

images:
Study for Jason and Medea by John William Waterhouse (top)
Medea by Eugene Delacroix

James Rosenquist

2010-11-30T14:13:00.000-08:00

While working on some homework today I learn a little bit more about the post-modernist movement, though not enough to make me enjoy it in the least. I have always had a strong aversion to it and that hasn't changed, but I was surprised to find one painting in the bunch that I seemed to really enjoy. It is "Bedsprings" by James Rosenquist. I was flipping through his work, mostly unimpressed until this image caught my eye. There is just something about it I find so delicate and captivating. In his entire body of work I didn't find a single piece that captured me as much as this one. Perhaps it was the way he so precisely cropped her face, focusing solely on the eye, cheek, and nose. Unlike his other work this women is accurately and precisely rendered, and with some softness to boot. Compared to say the image of JFK in "President Elect"she is nearly a classical portrait.This woman has depth and life, and suggesting any sort of perspective or realism was quite rare for him.
Then suspending it by twine away from the stretching board. That, at first, gave me a sense of creepiness (a childish word, I'm aware). I felt like he was dissecting her - not literally, of course - but trying to break her apart, separating her from her various parts. Breaking her down by her flaws and perfections. But these warm and sensuous colors suggest something endearing, not calculating. The piece is both baffling and calming to me.

James Rosenquist, unlike most pop artists of the time, had a much more varied color palette and far more dramatic compositions. Most had neutral backgrounds with loosely rendered object or subjects, making them appear flat. But here Rosenquist eliminated the background and focus on one single aspect of beauty, rendering it to perfection. He won't make me like the modern or post-modernist movement, but he will make he appreciate him as an individual artist just a little bit more.

Dr. Frankenstein; Male Chauvinist?

2010-11-29T17:35:00.000-08:00

I read Frankenstein or The Modern Prometheus by Mary Shelley in high school. But I didn't truly appreciate it until my freshmen year of college. I remember reading it in my Humanities class and then having to write a paper analyzing the possible meanings of the story. My professor, as nice as she was, had some very obvious radical feminist views. I used this to my advantage, and this yielded some surprising revelations on my part.
The basic plot synopsis, well...if you haven't read it or aren't even aware of the basic plot then I am quite impressed. I am impressed that you managed to find a rock to live under for so very long that turned out to be extremely effective.

Anyhow, a man named Victor Frankenstein decides to use all his knowledge of science to create a living human from the bones and flesh from the deceased. He wanted this man to be "eight feet in height and proportionally large." Even a normal human of this size would be monster-like. His work was successful, though not in the way he expected.
So let us break this down the way I did in my paper. Victor, who was not a doctor but a student of medicine, wanted to create man. What are his motivations? Does he want to create man in order to eradicate the strain of childbirth on women? Or does he desire to create man in order to eradicate women in general? Note that he is not creating a person for companionship, as we are most used to hearing about men desiring to create a person or robot - with female parts - for their special friend (my brother-in-law comes to mind).
Most would choose to think the former as he did marry and did love women, so he didn't want to eradicate them. And I am not even going to bother entering into the homosexual overtones territory. He was very close friends with a man named Clerval. He loved him very much, in fact. But this was not uncommon then and it certainly isn't uncommon now. She had Percy Shelley and Lord Byron as the perfect models. You know what I mean, bro?
So were his goals admirable? Was he trying to take the burden of continuing human life off the shoulders of his beloved and womankind across the globe? All signs point to yes. The chances of dying during childbirth were incredibly high up until the advancement of modern medicine. But don't start praising his desire to help mankind just yet. "A new species would bless me as it's creator and source, many happy and excellent natures would owe their being to me." Now it is a little more clear; he wanted to play god.
So what of the monster? How did things go so awry after he was given life? Cowardice overtook Victor, it is as simple as that. The idea that he managed to create life all on his own scared him in a way he couldn't understand. He was so very excited just moments previous to the forming of new life. Not only was he scared of the monster, he also resented him. He resented him quite a great deal. "How can I describe my emotions at this catastrophe, or how delineate the wretch whom with such infinite pains and care I had endeavoured to form? His limbs were in proportion, and I had selected his features as beautiful. Beautiful! -Great God! His yellow skin scarcely covered the work of his muscles and arteries beneath; his hair was a lustrous black, and flowing; his teeth of a pearly whiteness; but these luxuriances only formed a more horrid contrast with his watery eyes, that seemed almost the same colour as the dun white sockets in which they were set, his shriveled complexion and straight black lips [the face only a mother could love, though I suppose that doesn't apply here]. The different accidents of life are not so changeable as the feelings of human nature. I had worked hard for nearly two years, for the sole purpose of infusing life into an inanimate body. For this I had deprived myself of rest and health. I had desired it with an ardour that far exceeded moderation; but now that I had finished, the beauty of the dream vanished, and breathless horror and disgust filled my heart."
Who is to blame for the poor results? Certainly not this monster, he was happy to be spread out in parts across all sorts of cemeteries. Once the monster was finished Victor was scared and resentful, so he abandoned him. So the monster goes off into the world to find his creator. And has all sorts of wacky adventures. Common misconception: the monster was not a brainless drone who wandered about moaning with his arms stretched out. He was a well-read and thoughtful "human" being. He was quite intelligent actually. But I digress. Victor wanted to play God and was very unsatisfied with the results, and if you follow the bible things seem to repeat themselves. He abandoned the monster, and God kicked the first two humans he created out of paradise. Though, God doesn't exactly abandon them in the way Victor does his monster. He hides from the monster, he runs from him. He is only a monster in the mind of Victor. Though his fears actualize themselves eventually, as they rightfully should.
So, what is the answer to my previously stated question in the title? NO. No, he was not a chauvinist, nor was Shelley trying to make some comment on society. She was just writing a scary story. And the message, if any; was that man could abuse science and technology to create something monstrous, i.e Jurassic Park, Splice, The Fly or The Food of the Gods by H.G. Wells. Maybe, we need to stop reading so much into something so simple and perfect for what it is. I think it is time for me to re-read this delightful story.

On a lighter note, I'm going to pimp out some blogs again, as I tend to. Joshua Berardi, Joshua Beachy, and introducing Sean Cairns. Read them and be amused.

Life updates: Still married and it's going well. Hit the 6 month mark a few weeks ago. It was celebrated with asian food, the traditional celebration for such a milestone. School is going...well. Drawing more naked men than I would ever desire to but next semester looks to be promising. I switched my major to art therapy, not sure if I had blogged about that change yet. Oh well. Next fall I should be moving to Portland, OR to attend Marylhurst University. Exciting!

drawings continued

2010-08-19T22:41:00.000-07:00

it has been awhile since i have posted. this is just a couple of the many, many drawings i have completed between January and now.
i promise to start posting more often again. I have just been so busy lately.

Guy de Maupassant

2010-07-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

I bought a book of stories by de Maupassant at a used book sale nearly a year ago and today sat down and started reading some. I have only read a handful of stories thus far but I have been so enticed and moved that it might be near impossible to fall asleep without this in front of me. I only took a break from reading to talk to Joshua and discuss something I read on a forum earlier. It was more me complaining...people were praising Marquis de Sade; which disgusts me. But I digress.
I started with "The Necklace" which stirred up some feelings. Basically it goes like this; a woman is born into a poor family and marries a man no more wealthy than the way she was raised. The entirety of the marriage she is unhappy and focuses too much on acquiring greater things and going to fancy parties. She gets in invited to a party with her husband and makes him spend all his savings he had saved up for a hunting rifle to go with his friends on a new dress for herself. He does it for her because he loves. Then she borrows a diamond necklace from a friend. After the party she somehow loses it and she and her husband do what they can to find it to no avail. In the end they take out loans and borrow money to buy a duplicate to replace in and send the next 10 years working extremely hard to pay it all back. The woman ends up working herself so much she ages terribly, so much that several friends barely recognize her. When she meets that woman later in life she confesses it all and learn that the necklace wasn't worth more than $500.
It reminded me of my sister, sometimes I feel like she was born into the wrong family with way of doing things and her goals of the finer things. And you find it near impossible to feel bad for the protagonist, her husband you weep a bit for. In the end you feel like perhaps she was punished more than necessary, but it was a lesson she really needed to learn, too bad it was so late in life.
In his story "A Wife's Confession" I felt so very attached to the female character. She was romantic and beautiful but suffocated by a brute of a husband. He seemed to stifle her with his stubbornness. I love the description of him:
"...He created the impression that his mind was full of ready-made views instilled into him by his father and mother, who themselves got them from their ancestors. He never hesitated, but on every subject immediatly made a narrow-minded suggestions without showing any embarrassment and without realizing that there might be other ways of looking at things. One felt that his head was closed up, that no ideas circulated in it, none of those ideas which renew a man's mind and make it sound, like a breath of fresh air passing through an open window to a house."
(it actually reminds me of the joshua I dated in high school....) That might be why I connected with her so much. But Maupassant's way of telling stories is wonderful. I could just go one really. I am looking forward to reading more of his work this evening.

But i should calm down. I entered into an argument about Marquis de Sade. I find him deplorable and his work grotesque. The other though his work was amazing and a wonderful insight into the depths of the human mind. That thought is laughable. Marquis de Sade and his work hold a special place in the history of literature. This place needs to never be ventured into because it is simply filled with stories engrossed in acts of eroticism and rape so revolting that vomiting after reading would be an improvement upon the piece. His pushing of the proverbial envelope in order to get some desperately needed attention should not have been indulged. The idea that this is literature; that this is a great piece of art is insulting to every other book in existence.
But no one needs to hear my rants about him...
I will focus on the good authors, the ones whose word's struck a chord in my chest.

Etchings

2010-01-12T13:08:00.000-08:00

These are some nude studies I have been working on. I think I am improving a bit.

I much prefer the woman I drew in blue, I had some difficulty with the positioning with the other.

Facebook |: Nabokov's Brood Disappoints

2010-01-06T11:37:00.000-08:00

Facebook Rachel Christine DeTrempe Williams: Nabokov's Brood Disappoints
This is my facebook page and today I ended up writing it as a note before I made my way to blogger. Essentially, I'm being a tad lazy.

Doodles: Fishy

2009-12-05T18:28:00.000-08:00

I've been drawing fish lately. There is something calming about the ocean life. So, with finals fast approaching I thought the best way to concntrate was to procrastinate by dawing fish...

I'm not entirely sure what kind of goldfish this is, but I have seen various images. Lacking a proper name I just call him Mr. Googley-eyes, but that lacks imagination. ------>

This other little guy, was named Lilly, mainly because one of the children I nanny deided I should name it after her. It's my favorite one anway, I feel like it has the most personality. My doodles aren't awesome or anything, but it is certainly calming. I have one more and it was mainly a practice in color. I'me just showing a detail though. I'm not too happy with it to be honest. I need to draw more of my friends as if they were animals, like the one I did of Ror as a puffin. I'm considering drawing Joshua Berardi as a starfish. I think I might dra my darling finace Joshua as a bird of sorts, he is rather bird-like.

I also forgot about the news I have. Berardi introduced me to a friend of his, Tyler Lowe; who is a musician and releasing an albm soonish. He asked me to perhaps to do his album art. This excites me.

dropspots

2009-11-30T08:35:00.000-08:00

My friend Sammie showed me something interesting and I think many people sould get in on this.
Check out this site:
http://www.dropspots.org/

I think this is certainly worth a try, who kows what extraordinary things could happen.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

2009-11-29T08:43:00.000-08:00

An Ancient Gesture
I thought as I wiped my eyes on the corner of my apron;
Penelope did this too.
And more than once: you can't keep weaving all day
And undoing it all through the night;
Your arms get tired, and the back of your neck gets tight;
And along towards morning, when you think it will never be light,
And your husband has been gone, and you don't know where, for years.
Suddenly you burst into tears;
There is simply nothing else to do.

And I thought, as I wiped my eyes on the corner of my apron:
This is an ancient gesture, authentic, antique,
In the very best tradition, classic, Greek;
Ulysses did this too.
But only as a gesture, - a gesture which implied

To the assembled throng that he was much too moved to speak.

He learned it from Penelope...

Penelope, who really cried.

by Edna St. Vincent Millay

Edna St. Vincent Millay (February 22, 1892 - October 19, 1950) was an American, lyrical poet. And a personal favorite of mine. And when I say favorite I mean it. I only obsess over two poets and they are her and T. S. Eliot. I find her work exceptional and incredibly moving. I mean, the flow and prose is simply wonderful.

She was born in Rockland, Maine and her mother was a nurse while her father was a school teacher. Where her name is derived from is intersting; apparently her middle name - St. Vincent - comes from the name of a hospital where her uncle's life was saved just days prior to her birth. Later she insisted on being called "Vincent", she thought it plain.

Her parents divorced in 1904 which resulted in her, her mother and her sisters (Norma and Kathleen) moving from town to town. And despite being poor and in nearly constant motion her mother was never without her truck on literature that she often read to her children, this collection included William Shakespear and John Milton. Eventually Millay and her family settled in Camden, Maine.

Here is where she wrote her first poem.

Her literary career really began in 1912 whe she netered her poem Renascence (I'd post it if it weren't 214 lines long) into a poetry contest in a magazine called The Lyric Year. This actually ruffled up quite a controversy. It was widely recieved as the best submission but it was ultimately placed 4th in the contest. Even the first place winner (Orrick Johns - who I encourage you to also read up on) felt Millay should have won. Almost immediatley following this strange ordeal for Millay her poem was recited at some sort of banquet that so impressed a wealthy woman; Caroline B. Dow, that she paid for Millay's college education at Vassar.

In 1923 she won the Pulitzer Prize in poetry and was the first woman to be honored for this. This is when she gained a lot of popularity in America, though her reputation was soon damaged when she wrote poetry in suport of the Allied effort during WW2.

During her time in college she was a bit...promiscuous. This was with both men and women, and this influenced a great deal of her poetry. But in 1923 she married Eugen Jan Boissevan, though their marriage was an open one with both taking many lovers. One of her lovers was a fellow poet George Dillon, she wrote several of her sonnets about him. Such as -

Sonnet II: Time does not bring relief

Time does not bring relief, you all have lied

Who told me time would ease my pain!

I miss him in the weeping of the rain;

I want him at the shrinking of the tide;

The old snows melt from every mountain-side,

And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;

But last year's bitter loving must remain

Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.

There are a hundred places where I fear

To go - so with his memory they brim.

And entering with relief some quiet place

Where never fell his foot or shone his face

I say, "There is no memory of him here!"

And so stand stricken, so remembering him.

Her husband died of lung cancer in 1949, and then she was found dead at the bottom of her stairs in October, 1950. The cause of the fall was unknown. Her work is still widley celebrated and she is considered on of America's greatest female poets.

Her most famous poem is First Fig from A Few Figs From Thistles.

An intersting bit is that mathematicians recognize her sonnet Euclid Alone has Beauty Bare as an expression of mathematical beauty.

To me her work respresents something quite beautiful. Every time I read An Ancient Gesture I feel an acheing in my chest. I tend to overlook her somewhat risque love life as it influened some of the most beautiful poems I have ever read. I feel as though her words twinge and tug at my heartstrings. They both agonize and writhe with lust, love, and a dull, throbbing heartache. I am often at a loss for words when I try to discuss her work.

Its just so wonderful.

The Graduate

2009-11-25T07:51:00.000-08:00

In my film class we watched "The Graduate". Having never really watched the film, but having a rough idea of the plot I knew what to expect. Well, I thought I knew what to expect. I had anticipated a film that mirrored what we see with films like "American Pie" today, but this hit something on a much deeper level.

I feel as though this film is both underrated and exalted at the same time. What I mean is that it seems to me that people make way too much of the movie without really understanding the truer or deeper meanings of the film. Many aspects of this are overlooked.

For those who don't know the plot, I will sum it up. A man named Ben (Dustin Hoffman) comes home after recently graduating from college to spend time at home before he picks a graduate school. This stress weighs on him a great deal. The relationship he has with his family isn't really confronted too much other than the fact that they don't listen to him very often and assume they know what he truly wants. They throw a party for him and there he runs into Mrs. Robinson (Anne Bancroft). She is an unsual and semi-innapropriate woman and asks Ben to drive her home as she has had a bit to drink. Once they reach her home she bullies him into coming in and propositions him. He is uncomfortable and leaves as soon as he can, which happens to be when Mr. Robinson comes home. They eventually begin an affair which lasts the entire summer. As time wears on a bit more and no one being any the wiser, Mr. Robinson sets Ben up with his daughter Elaine (Katharine Ross), much to Mrs. Robinson's dismay.

On him and Elaine's first date he takes her to strip club and humiliates her. She starts to cry and runs off, her feels guilty and apologizes. He ends up kissing her and they build a relationship from there. He actually falls in love with her. When Mrs. Robinson finds out she threatens to tell her daughter everything so Ben races off to tell Elaine first to give his side of the story. This all blows up in his face and he is forbidden to se Elaine and Mrs. Robinson as well as Mr. Robinson is furious. The families fall apart. Elaine goes back off to college and Ben follows her. She feels disgusted knowing what she does about the affair, but still has feelings for him. Shes a bit wishy washy. Turns out that she is engaged to another man, Carl; and plans to marry him, though Ben also proposes and she says 'yes', well, more of a maybe. In the end Elain goes off to mary Carl and Ben crashes the wedding and Elaine runs off with him. They catch a bus and head off, we aren't exatly sure where they are going and neither are they.

(sometimes I am just god-awful at summarizing things)

Lets start with the characters:

Ben- all the characters seem to be cloaked in various stages of misery. When we meet Ben he is confused and somewhat of a pushover. A girl in my class says she liked him in the beginning and hated him in the end. I completely disagree. I found him to be a bit repulsive in the start of the film. He was weak-willed and had the audacity to have an affair with a married woman. He also would not confront his problems and simply pushed them to the back burner. In the end he never did choose a graduate school. He is sniveling and cowardly. But as the movie progresses he developes a bit of a back bone as he wants badly to be with Elaine. He eventually puts it all on the line in efforts to win her. He redeems himself in pushing forward with what he wants. Yes, he is reckless in his way of executing these things, but love certainly does that. He beats on the windows and screams her name, completely making a fool of himself in order to pull her back to him.

Mrs. Robinson- she is the most miserable of the characters. Stuck in a loveless marriage and clearly starved for affection, though I don't imagine that was her first affair. She seems malicious in her intent but I don't imagine it was her goal to destroy Ben's life. Though I am certain she was quite jealous of his potental as well as Elaine's. In fact when Elaine is running off with Ben and Mrs. Robinson wants her to stay with Carl and live a miserable life as well.

Whether her intentions towards Ben were cruel or not, in the end she is still the antagonist and creates a good portion of the conflict. But we can't take all the blame off Ben.

Elaine- her character isn't too developed. She is a pretty girl and a smart girl and clearly a good match for Ben. She is fickle and easily manipulated, very quickly swayed however. She seems to fall in and out of love and just as unsure as Ben is about what she wants. She also seems quite childish, screaming like an infant when Ben says something that upsets her. When I say screaming I mean shrieking, a sort of blood-curdling scream.

My class ovelooked the moral dilemmas and the significance of these types of relationships. No one could look past the drama of the situations to really dive into the intricate ties between all these characters. The jealousy, latent rage, embarassment, and indecisivness. This film can speak on so many levels. This isn't just another film about a turid love affair gone awry.

The soundtrack is pretty wonderful as well and played inot nicely to the drama. The pairing of the songs, the fading or getting louder in al the right places. Spectacular.

Doodles: Birds

2009-11-24T20:57:00.000-08:00

As I have said before, I like to sketch and doodle. As of late its been birds, birds, and more birds. I don't claim to be all that good at it, but I'm exponentially better than I used to be. My use of line has greatly improved.
I dare say my use of line has greatly improved.

I must get a better angle on color though. I love it dearly and I am afraid it eludes me at times. Someties I go a tad overboard and I am never fully satisfied. Though my friend Joshua Berardi helped me in discovering the root of this.

Until I can really tackle a piece on a larger scale that isn't just a master copy I need to stick with my smaller pieces and work my way up. I have a habit of trying to say too much in just one piece and never completely expressing myself. I feel its a common problem. I think I'll just start a small series or study soon enough to hone my skills. I feel like such an amateur...my confidence is wavering.

(I realize these photos aren't the best quality but my poor scanner is on the fritz)

My disdain for Mark Rothko

2009-11-24T13:15:00.000-08:00

As both an artist (not a very good one, but still) and an art history researcher I often come across artists that are exalted for their ground breaking work. Most of the time these artists should be recognized for what they do, other times I'm more than taken aback by what some people consider great. Mark Rothko is one of the latter, along with artists like Jackson Pollock and Lee Krasner.
So, Mark Rothko (1903-1970) was a latvian-born american painter and printmaker. Though classified as an abstract expressionist he labeled himself simply as an abstract painter. While I could delve into his childhood and travels, I sort want to jump right ahead to his work and influences. He developed his style around 1936 when he began writing a book, which ne never completed; about the similarities between the art of children and that of modern artists. While his ideas about how children draw and how we all start is accurate, as he continues to develope his ideas he seems to get more and more...outrageous. It is as if he is fishing for reasons to explain his own work. His most famous work is classified as color field painting. The characteristics of this genre of painting are as follows:
--large fields of expressive color
--non-objective
--simplified, essentialized compositions
--"subtle nuances"
--tragic subline; collective unconcious: collective unconcious was a theory developed by Carl Jung. It is based on his observation that there are universal symbols that are present across different cultures. These occur in dreams and myth to reveal a deep unconcious connection among all human beings.
He also abandoned the idea of naming his pieces. The first 3 characteristics I see, the other 2...well, I'll leave you to judge that for yourselves, but I believe they are empty words hes throwing out to give his work more meaning than it holds.

Here is the first example I have of his. We see 3 fields of color, 2 shades of red, one panel of a cream color, a rough brown border and dividing lines. This. Is. NOT. a great piece of art. Where are these mystical, "subtle nuances", where is the tragic subline or collective unconcious? I just see red.

Some might say I need to expand my mind, others say I don't understand. Well, the truth is I don't understand. While I will agree that his assesment that as children we first step into the art world by using color to express ourselves. I can remember taking crayons and scribbling vast panes of color all over the page. But from there I grew, we all grow and develope. I feel he is spitting in the face of all those artists who strived to create the masterpeices we all know and love today.

I will say his use of color is powerful....that is all I see. I just see fields of color, undeveloped and lacking any semblence imagination or passion.

Gods in Art: Saturn/Cronus

2009-11-23T10:44:00.000-08:00

I became fixated on a particularly dark painting recently, or more re-fixated. This piece is Saturn Devouring his Son (1819) by Francisco de Goya. It made me consider the various ways the gods are represented in art. They are shown in a godly way, shown as all powerful and to be feared beings. And on the other side we can see them depicted as malicious beasts. To understand the meanings behind these various depictions we need to know the history and story of Saturn or Cronus.

In Roman mythology he is Saturn and n Greek mythology he is Cronus, not to be confused with Chronos; the personification of time. The story behind him is roughly the same in both cultures. He was the leader and the youngest of the first generation of the Titans. The Titans were the descendents of Gaia/Terra (goddess of the earth) and Uranus/Caelus (god of the sky). Saturn/Cronus was the god of agriculture, justice, and strength. He was the deity of the harvest and often it is attributed for him to be holding a sickle in his left hand and a bundle of wheat in his right.

Gaia/Terra asked for help from Saturn/Cronus because Uranus/Caelus was placing some of his children under the earth, as he hated them - mainly the children with the fifty heads. Saturn/Cronus waited for his father and castrated him with his sickle. Fro the blood sprang forth the Giants, a fourth race of monsters, and the Furies whose purpose was to punish the sinners. They are referred to as "those who walk in the darkness". Aphrodite/Venus emerged where the member was cast into the sea.

As he desposed of his father he became ruler of the universe. He reignd with her sister, Ops/Rhea, who he also married, One day it was prophesied that he would lose power when one his children would rise up and kill him. To prevent this from happening he would swallow each of his children following their birth. Upon the birth of their 6th child, Jupiter/Zeus; he was spirited away to the island of Crete and Ops/Rhea placed a stone in swaddling cothes and tricked him into swallowing it. As Jupiter/Zeus grew up he was taken care of and aided by his grandmother Gaia/Terra. Once he reached adulthood he secured a job as cup-bearer to Saturn/Cronus and gave him a potion that caused him to vomit up Saturn/Cronus's five siblings; Vestia/Hestia, Ceres/Demeter, Juno/Hera, Pluto/Hades, and Neptune/Poseidon.

This started a war that nearly destroyed the universe. It ended with Saturn/Cronus being defeated and him and his brother being imprisoned in Tatarus, a dark region at the end of the earth. Jupiter/Zeus then took the throne and ruled. Another myth ends with Saturn/Cronus fleeing to Rome and establishing the Golden Age.

The myth and legend behind Saturn/Cronus paints various pctures about him. First he seems caring by helping his mother and siblings with the murder of his father, but it seems as though it was done to though selfish means. Then he becomes monsterous as he devours his children. And there there is the possibilty of him becoming a great leader in Rome. These conflicting views sotimes lead to confusion in how to show him in art but each artist figures out he wants to exemplify this god.

This is Cronus and Rhea (475 - 425 BCE) attributte to the Nausicaa painter. It is painted on a greek vase. Here we see Rhea handing over the stone for Cronus to swallow. This trickery among the gods is not umcommon in legends and is often depicted in the art world, but this story is the most commonly reference one. There is another depiction done in a relief sculpture.
This is Kronos and Rhea (Kronos is another accepted spelling). Artist is unknown.

Rhea is considered somewhat of a heroine for this. Had he known what might have he done?

He isn't aways shown this way, he often shown on his own as well.
This is Saturnus (1546) by Caravaggio. It is a drawing and shows him as a god; strong and powerful. This is a piece where Cronus/Saturn is exalted and adored. It looks similar to many of the statues adorning the Temple of Saturn located at the western end of the Forum Romanum, the heart of the commerce for ancient Romans.

This place is often visited during the festival of Saturnalia in ancient Rome.

The most interesting of pieces depicting Saturn/Cronus are the ones showing him as the mosterous being I imagine him to

be. Here we see Saturn Devouring his Son (1819) by Francisco de Goya. I love that here he seems primative and horrific. He grasps he body and literally tears it limb from limb. The blood and he look on his face is captivating. There is some weaknes in him eventhough he is the one devouring his son. It is as if he is completely fueled by fear. His twisted body and wide eyes leave me feeling uncomfortable, but I can't look away.

All in all, no matter how he is shown the general feeling is always the same, one of fear and power.

Chuck Close

2009-10-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

This artist is contemporary and in a drawing class I took 2 years ago I became exraordinarily transfixed on him. He's an american painter born in 1940 who achieved incredible recognition through his massive-scale paintings and his work using photorealism and hyperreailsm. He is the amazing Chuck Close.

Photorealism is the genre of painting based on making a painting from a photograph; it began in the late 1960's. It eveolved from pop art as a reaction to Abstract Expressionism.

Hyperrealism is simply considered to be an advancement of photorealism. Hyperrealist painters and sculptors use photographic images as a reference source from which to create a more definitive and detailed rendering, one that unlike Photorealism, often is narrative and emotive in its depictions. Photorealist painters tended to imitate photographic images, often omitting or abstracting certain finite detail in order to maintain a consistent overall pictorial design.

Now, Cuck Close is a fascinating individual and his story powerful and sad. The beginning is semi-standard. He graduated Yale with an MFA and taught art at the University of Massachusetts. His first one-man show was at the New York Museum of Modern Art in 1970.

His work was innovative. I studied and observed and learned all about his technique. To create his grid work copies of photos, Close puts a grid on the photo and on the canvas and copies cell by cell. Typically, each square within the grid is filled with roughly executed regions of color (usually consisting of painted rings on a contrasting background) which give the cell a perceived 'average' hue which makes sense from a distance. His first tools for this included an airbrush, rags, razor blade, and an eraser mounted on a power drill. His first picture with this method was Big Self Portrait, a black and white enlargement of his face.

Just look at the amazing detail and handiwork. Its diffcult to imagine it isn't a photograph. His work is calculated and masterful. I mean this painting is 9ft x 7ft so I can only imagine how long it took, about 4 months apparently. He used acrylic paint and an airbrush to include every detail. This was the first of his large-scale works and he just got more outrageous and daring from this point.

This piece and detail is Mark (1978-1979). This one took him 14 months to complete, he used acyrlic paint and applied it in a series of airbrushed layers that basically imitated how printers work today. Just look at the size and the detail. I can't get over the level of skill. I'm just blown away.

Look at that iris! Its phenomenal and unprecedented.

He soon implemented another technique.

This one is Lucas (1986-1987).
Just as beautiful as the one before, but stylistically more interesting. It's quite reminscent of the "pixelated" look with overblown digital photographs, which makes this idea more than impressive. If you look close enough at the detail yuo can evn see the pencil lines. Some would say it's sloppy, but I find it charming.

I have tried to utilize this technique (feel free to give criticism):

It has no name since it as purely practice for me (2007).

I think I did a decent job at imitation, but my medium was oil pastels.

Close's story only gets more interesting from this point. On December 7, 1988 he went to New York to give an art award, but he felt a pain in his chest. He managed to give his speech and then he quickly ran to the hospital. By the time he had been admitted and examined he was paralyzed form he neck down and it turned out he had a rare spinal artery collapse. Close would, so intimately, call this day "The Event". Close was in rehab for several months strengthening his muscles; he soon had slight movement in his arms and could walk, yet only for a few steps. He has relied on a wheelchair since.

Close continued to paint on with a brush strapped onto his wrist with tape, creating large portraits in low-resolution grid squares created by an assistant. I can hardly fathom how difficult physically and emotionaly it had to be for him. He could no longer paint as meticulously as before and no longer could he achieve that very fine detail. His work was still beautiful and extraordinary.

He painted many people who are household names today. They include people like Bill Clinton, Kate Moss, Willem Dafoe, and Brad Pitt, along with his wife and children.

I strongly encourage anyone to view his work. Simply wonderful.

Here are some of his paintings, and you will be amazed:

Maggie (1996).

This is the one tried to imitate.

John (1971-1072).
Your mind was blown, right?

Eric (1990).

Color Theory

2009-10-18T11:45:00.000-07:00

Color theory can be immensely complicated sometimes, but once you figure out one part of it the rest is easy to pick up on. The idea of subtractive color is what most painters use.
Subtractive color: where mixing the hues will create black.

Grasping this theory will help you understand many things like understanding why certain colors "work" together and others don't. Or how paintings are deigned, because color is a vital element of the comosition. Learning how to simply mix the colors will be better understood, you will better recognize the individual properties. And you will understand the basic principles of painting.

Start with color. Colors are classified by three properties: hue, purity and value. People tend to confuse the terms and misunderstand them. It should be known that colors will mix and appear differetly on a computer screen.

Hue: color (it really is that simple).

Purity: The freedom from other color admixtures.

Value: The luminance — brightness or dullness — of a hue, as measured by the amount of light reflected. Also called tone or tonal value.

To tint a color you would add white while a shade would be adding grey or the compliment of that color.

In order to understand how complimentary colors work you need to understand mixing colors as well as primary colors, scondary colors and tertiary colors.

The primary colors are red, yellow, and bue.

The secondary colors are the mixing of 2 rimary colors, orange, green and purple. Example - red plus yellow equals orange.

A secondary color mixed with an adjacent primary (on the color wheel) will create a tertiary color.

Colors also have a temperature. Colors are commonly described as warm or cold. Warm colors lie at the orange-red end of the spectrum, and are 'active', causing them to 'advance'. Blue colors, particularly when dark and/or undersaturated, are 'cool' and tend to 'recede'. Other areas of the spectrum remain neutral. I personally tend to have difficulty mixing colors and trying to get just the right teperature and if I want perfect color harmony I really need to get that down. I demand some sort of thermometer for paint.

There are a few approaches to having successful color harmony.

Monochrome
One hue. Composition is achieved entirely through adjusting purities and tones. A limited but powerful approach, that always makes a good exercise.
In this detail from his Diana and Callisto (1556-9. National Gallery of Scotland. Edinburgh), Titian has used a simple orange hue throughout, not far from that shown above in the color purity strip. The marvelous variety comes from modifying purity and tone with glazes and scumbles — which demonstrates the power of old master techniques. (The whole picture uses a wider color range, including blue and a pink-red.)

Complementary
Composition uses one hue and its complementary — e.g. blue and orange. The hues can be mixed in various proportions, and tones added with white or black (or preferably earth pigments).

The detail comes from a famous painting by Monet of the Beach at Trouville (1870). It was painted on the spot. Though seeming a careless, even clumsy, improvisatory sketch, it is nothing of the sort. Monet served a traditional apprenticeship, and is here playing off an orange in beach and flesh tones against chalky tints of blue.

Analogous.
Composition using just 3 hues of 12-color wheel - e.g. orange, orange-red and red. As before, the hues can be mixed, and their tones adjusted.
This scheme can be further divided into:
1. one pure hue and the other two semi-neutral (i.e. mixed, muddy, low intensity). The pure tone will advance more than the others, whether is warm or cold.
2. high key pure hues. Usually applied in a broken fashion so that hues of the same value shimmer when seen close to, but group to broad areas of color from a distance.
3. one dominant, one subordinate and one minor. The dominant is varied with different purities and values.
The detail is from Eugene Delacroix's Death of Sardanapolis. 1826. Musée du Louvre. Paris. The whole picture employs an analogous color scheme of red, red-orange and orange.

Split Complementary
Like analogous, but with the addition of the complementary of the mid-hue of the analogous range. A warm/cool balance is more easily introduced with this scheme.

This intimate painting by Mary Cassatt (The Bath. c. 1892. The Art Institute of Chicago) uses tertiary hues, and falls somewhere between a triadic scheme and a split complementary one of red-purple against hues of green-blue. The background repeats the foreground colors but in muddier and darker colors.

Triadic
Uses all three hues that are equidistance on color wheel. Hues may be varied in purity and tone as usual, and the scheme is further divided:

1. Primary colors only: very difficult to use outside posters and graphic design.
2. Secondary triadics, e.g. scarlet, mauve and viridian. Very beautiful effects can be achieved, probably because all colors contain some of the other two secondaries.
Green, blue and yellow appear in this detail from Vermeer's The Music Lesson (c. 1664. HM The Queen's Royal Collection. St. James's Palace). Harmony has also been achieved by very skillful use of tone.

I'm certain this wasn't exactly enlightening, but there no better way to learn other than reading and practicing. And I'm a compulsive note-taker....this blog is kind of enabling me.

Hellenistic Art, part 3

2009-10-16T10:59:00.000-07:00

I left off discussing the eroticism in this era, but vicory and nobility in defeat are equally important. There is one piece which personifies all that is triumphant.
The Nike of Samonthrace (190 BCE) by Phidias is the perfect example. I should probably say explain what a Nike is first. A Nike is was a goddess who personified triumph throughout the ages of the ancient Greek culture. She is known as the Winged Goddess of Victory. The Roman equivalent is Victoria.
Originally she was placed on a cifftop overlooking the sea. And she even sees to have been designed that way. Her wings flap in the wind and her drapery is swept behind her. I love the way it bunches and folds. The setting amplified the effect the artist was trying to convey.
The damage done to this piece leaves some to be desired. The head and arms have never been recoered but we do have an idea of what those pieces were doing. Her right arm was probably raised to her face, the hand cupped as she shouted a cry of victory. The left arm was most likely outstretched like one would in a battle. Its a beautiful piece and moving. I feel like I can actually hear the spalshing water when I look at it.
While victory was often portrayed, so was defeat and tragedy; like the story of Lacoon and his sons.

This piece; Lacoon and his sons (various dates have been suggested for the statue, ranging from about 160 to about 20 BCE) was sculptued by Agesander, Athenodoros and Polydorus.
The story behind this a classic Greek tragedy. Lacoon had attempted to expose the ruse of the Trojan horse and serpents were sent by Poseidon to punish Lacoon and his sons.
We can see the intensity of the struggle. You see one serpent biting into Lacoon's left hip and him crying out in pain. And you can also feel his agony as his sons suffer alongside him, punished for the acts of their father. This piece is actually a bit reminiscent of the great friez on the Altar of Zeus at Pergamon.
Many have attributed some homoerotic ideals to this piece, and while the Greeks are known to be "boy lovers" this idea was mostly very far from the minds of the scultors.
After seeing all these pieces I have to wonder why some would disregard this era. The art shows amazing work and talent; its dramatic, emotional, sensual and powerful.

Painting Techniques: Layered Painting

2009-10-14T00:17:00.001-07:00

I continue to branch off from my art history posts a little bit.

Bare with me.

I really felt like painting today but had neither the time nor materials at my disposal. I need more money as I've run low on acrylic paint and water colors, I'm not one for using oil much.

So I decided to read through my technique and history books, which did not quench my desire to paint, it merely exacerbated it.

I've been trying to improve my layering technique and thought reading about it and looking at various examples would help; it certainly wouldn't hurt. The method is a lengthy one, and is best suited to miniatures, photo-realism, and painting that requires a very high degree of detail and surface finish.

Following the steps properly are crucial, if you rush too much it won't have the same look or effect, which is the problem I run into the most...I always rush.

1. You begin with the idea of course and lay down some thin pencil lines and some broad washes of color.

(a broad wash of color is like a thin glaze, should be transparent for the most part)

2. Dry

3. Lay in another thin body of color.

4. Dry

5. Lay in second thin body color, within the contours of the first layer or overpainting it.

6. Continue building up the underpainting in a long, continuous process of trial and error. You can use a full range of techniques during this step.

7. Dry thoroughly

8. Lay in glazes and work wet into wet as neccessary.

9. Dry

10. Lay in thicker glazes, modifying previous glazes where necessary.

11. Add body color to recapture areas glazed too heavily.

It is also possible to alternate body color and glaze rather than leave all glazing to the end. Shadows may be created by glazes, and the final picture harmonized.

Here are some examples of finished pieces using layered painting technique-

This shows a good glazing thechnique, note being abe to see the music notes in the sky and the darkening around the edges and corners.

This is another good example.

Layering is good when you want nice transitions between different values and highlights.

Wet into wet — wet color into, over or alongside other wet color

Glazing — layer of transparent color: laid on when paint below is practically dry: any color can be used with glazing medium but transparent colors are best.

I think I might try and paint a bit this weekend, but with all my midterms coming up next week I probably shouldn't get wapped up too much in it...

Severance

2009-10-13T14:39:00.000-07:00

I still have a part 3 of the Hellenisitc Era coming, but I'm taking a small detour into literature.

Awhile ago I stumbled across this book called Severance. I was intrigued, very intrigued. It is a collection of short, very short stories by Robert Olen Butler.

There are 62 short stories, all written form the point of view of a person or creature immediatley after being decapitated.

According to this book and several other sources the human had is believed to remain in a state consciousness for one and a half minutes. And in a heightened state of emotion, like that one, people speak at a rate of 160 words per minute. So basic mathematics suggests we would speak or think at least 240 words. So every story is exactly 240 words. Interesting, yes? The people he chose to represent is quite engaging as well. Some are factual and some are fictional and one is his own death, but all the stories and the way they're told encite some panic and leave you feeling oddly invasive.

-Mud, 40,000 BC

-Medusa, 2000 BC

-Marcus Tullius Cicero, 43 BC

-John the Baptist, 30 AD

-Valeria Messalina, 48 D

-Dioscorus, 67 AD

-Paul (Saul of Tarsus), 67 AD
-Matthew, 78 AD

-St. Valentine, 270 AD

-a Dragon, 301 AD

-St. George, 303 AD

-The Lady of the Lake, 470 AD

-Ah Ballam, 803 AD

-Piers Gaveston, 1312 AD

-Gansnacken, 1494 AD

-Thomas More, 1535 AD

-Anne Boleyn, 1536 AD

-Catherine Howard, 1542 AD
-Lady Jane Grey, 1554 AD

-Mary Stuart (Queen of Scots), 1587 AD

-Walter Raleigh, 1618 AD

-Brita Gullsmed, 1675 AD

-Louis XVI, 1793 AD

-Marie Antoinette, 1793 (I feel the AD is unneccessary at this point)

-Marie-Jeanne Becu (Comtesse du Barry), 1793

-Antoine-Laurent Lavoisier, 1794

-Andre Chenier, 1794

-Maximilien Robespierre, 179

-Pierre-Francois Lacenaire, 1836

-Ta Chin, 1838

-Jacob, 1855

-Angry Eyes, 1880

-Chin Chin Chan, 1882

-Dave Rudabaugh, 1886

-Agnes Gwenlan, 1899

-Charles H. Stuart, 1904

-Rokhlel Pogorelsky, 1905

-John Martin, 1921

-Henri Landru, 1922

-Paul Gorguloff, 1932

-Benita Von Berg, 1935

-Nguyen Van Trinh, 1952

-Alwi Shah, 1958

-a Chicken, 1958

-Vera Jayne Palmer, 1967

-Le Van Ky, 1968

-Yukio Mishima, 1979

-Robert Kornbluth, 1984

- Jennifer Hadley, 1989

-Nicole Brown Simpson, 1994

-Mohammed Aziz Najafi, 1996

-Lydia Koenig, 1999

-Claude Messener, 2000

- Lois Kennerly, 2001

-Isioma Owoabi, 2002

-Hanadi Tayseer Jaradat, 2003

-Earl Dagget, 2003

-Maisie Hobbs, 2003
-Robert Durand, 2003

-Tyler Alkins, 2004

-Vasil Bukhalov, 2004

-Robert Olen Butler, 2010

Apparently the author himself can forsee his own death, and thats coming up pretty quickly. Hmm, curious.

These stories are unique and captivating. I was particularly interested in the stories surrounding them women beheaded by their husbands, hundreds of years ago and today. The story of Ta Chin I found incredibly impressive and engrossing. She lived during the early 19th century and was decapitated by order of her husband. She seems so sad, but peaceful despite it all. She talks of her footbinding and how painful and reressing that is. Her last line is "please, before my head cut off my feet".

This post sort of rambles, I just stumbled across something ineresting.
I recommend this book to anyone really. Its unusual and magnetic.

Hellenistic Art, part 2

2009-10-12T22:30:00.000-07:00

I left off before discussing the Seated Boxer, one of many pieces depicting men as strong, but defeated. These gave men dignity and displayed honor, they had a fairly obvious purpose here, but some are confusing with their meanings. One such piece is Old Market Woman (150 BCE - 100 BCE).

Preceeding this era all Greek art consisted of beautiful pieces of the young, strong, attractive and powerful. But this piece shows something quite the polar opposite of the norm and is very characteristic of this age. Here we see a woman wrinkled, tattered, bent with age and her spirit broken. She is weak and haggard. Despite her less than desireabe physical condition she still carries on, but not because she enjoys any pleasure form life anymore, but because she simply must.

I find pieces like this quite interesting. They aren't something most people find aesthetically pleasing, nor do they glorify any particular individual. I believe that this artist, though unknown, wanted to depict things the way they truly were and how he saw the common people around him. It is sort of a precursor for Realism when you think about it. Though a lot of Hellenistic overdramatizes some things this is truthful, but emotional all the same.

Hellenistic art was aiming to depict a social climate much wider than we have seen before. We see soldiers, fighters, and the old or dying. They handle it with sensitivity, but they still maintained some traditions in art, such as scenes including eroticism.

A very famous sculpture that openly explored eroticism is Venus de Milo (150 BCE - 125 BCE) by Alexander of Antioch-on-the-Meander. The area where the artist signed has been lost since. This piece is a roman copy and the use of marble made it a bit more vulnerable to damage, which is obvious in the lack of arms. From the information we've gathered we know that her left arm - which is seperately preserved - is holding an apple, the one Paris awarded her when he judged her to be the most beautiful goddess. And we can only surmise hat the right arm is doing. We tend to believe hat her right hand was loosely grasping at the fabric covering her in an attempt to keep it from slipping futher. This is to intentionally tease the viewer; it plays with sexuality without being outright sexual or crass.

I consider this piece to be more sexual than say the Aphrodite of Kindo where she is entirely nude. One of the many things that arouses people is not knowing and hiding her lower half form the viewer entices them. This makes her more desireable than she might have been had she been entirely nude....though I doubt all would agree with me on that. I guess some would prefer less mytery.

This next piece is more overtly sexual in it's nature, depicting the same goddess; Aphrodite, Eros, and Pan (100 BCE) - artist unknown.

Here you see Aphrodite is resisting Pan's unwanted advances and Eros rushing in to try and protect her from very unspeakable acts. The composition and set up here is quite tense, which was clearly intentional. Her archaic smile smile is interesting here, the detail work is incredible and the positioning of the bodies and twisting makes it very dynamic. I love her stance, you see how defensive she was and feel her panic and her son rushing to her aid is quite heart-warming, despite the situation.

Actually I'm a tad irked by Eros' appearence. Previous to this era he is representd as an adolescent and full of promise, this pudgy-winged-infant is laughable. He looks like the putto depicted in many other works. They were attendants to many maidens. Another issue is how babies are often rendered almost as miniature adults, but that mostly had to do with a lack of understanding of the fragile form. They even seemed to have personailites to match their unusal form. But I can fully air these annoyances another day.

But this piece, which was commissioned by Dionysios of Berytos, is exuding sex and dominance. And considering it was displayed in a buisnessmen's clubhouse you have to wonder about their tastes, though pieces like this were commonplace during this era so it could all just boil down to trends.

Another equally erotic piece is Barberini Faun, also known as Sleeping Satyr (230 BCE - 200 BCE) by Gianlorenzo Bernini. We see a satyr who has consumed too much wine and threw down his panther skin onto a nearby rock and fell into an intoxicated sleep, though it seems a but estless when you note his furrowed brow. It seems to me that this man might be playing the part most female nudes in art tend to; helpless and exposed.

While it has never been unusual to portray a male nude in greek sculpture, I can't really recall it ever being intentionally sexual too often. Sculptures like these are the product of Hellenistic scultors exploring sexuality of the human body.

Hellenistic Art, part 1

2009-10-10T17:55:00.000-07:00

I had immersed myself in Rococo art or the past few weeks, but a conversation with Joshua led me to seek out Hellenistic art this morning. This resulted in this blog; somewhat unorganized (like most) and a bit rambling. I always ramble when I talk about this era.

The Hellenistic era is marked mostly by the dath of Alexander in 323 BCE and lasted nearly 3 centuries until 31 BCE when the Battle of Actium took place, which led up to the roman invasion. Though other sources might say it ended in 146 BCE. I tend to lean towards the former.

The art of that time is primarily characterized by using a very decadent style and being very emotional and moving. It becomes quite romantic and dramatic. Most art preceeding this period was created almost solely for the glorification of man and it’s accomplishments. It exalted particular individuals such as emperors and worshipped the Gods. Sculptor Epigonos is responsible for the creation of two incredibly moving and dramatic pieces, they also represented a group of people not often protrayed; the Gauls, shown previously as barbarians. In this era they began to be shown with dignity and character.

A good example would be The Dying Gaul (230-220 BCE)by the sculptor Epigonos (who created the Hellenistic baroque style). While it is a roman copy, the work is still extraordinary, though I still get a bit upset when I know the Greek originals were made of bronze while these are stone. The use of stone caused some issues when it came to weight...but I disgress.

This piece is powerful. This man is a trumpeter who has collapsed from injury. There is a gash on his chest gushing blood; he is dying. The muscles in his body are relaxed, his face tense and agonizing. Just look at these details; the lines in his face, his veins, the feet always catch my attention a bit. They seem to be tensed and I feel like there is so much life in such the smallest detail. And one should note how strong he truly looks even with his body relaxed. It suggests he was inredibly strong and that whoever tok him down had to have been even more so.

Another piece about the Gauls is Gallic Chieftain Killing Himself and His Wife (230-220 BCE), also by Epigonos. This one is quite moving and always tugs a bit at my heartstrings. Here we see a man commiting an act of desperation. It shows and chieftain from Gual, who, following the demise of defeat; chooses suicide over surrendering to his enemies and kills his wife to spare her being sold into slavery. These acts are very hard to understand or accept outside of times, but they boil down to love and honor.

His face is intensely expressive; pained and heavy. His body is powerful and twisting in posture while his wife’s is limp and lifeless, hanging dramatically forward. This singular act can only really be appreciated in true Lysippan tradition by walking around it, it’s theactrics and intensity can only be wholely absored in this fashion. Just look at the cloth and how incredibly realistic the bodies are. Her body, covered in the cloth; makes it hard to truly picture. But that doesn't take away from the power and intenstity.

The work never fails to astound me.

Another piece representing a man defeated but glorified is the Seated Boxer (100-50 BCE). Thankfully the original is stil intact. Though the boxer is not victorious here, or young, he is a battered veteran who may or may not be looking at the man who just defeated him. Despite his age he is still respected and clearl he still retains his strength and poise, his muscles are still very toned. The other details here are also quite revealing of his life and trials boxing. His nose is broken, as are his teeth, he also has what is commonly referred to as "cauliflower ear". His face is scarred from the leather thongs used to protect their hands.

These pieces all show the strength and resilience of men in this era.

Stay tuned for more hellenistic art and my unorganized rambings.

Jacques Louis David

2009-09-28T11:13:00.000-07:00

About a year ago I developed a brief obsession with Jacques Louis David (1748 - 1825). His work is beautiful and moving and the work I tend to enjoy the most.

He was a very important and influencial French painter in the Neocassical style. His use of color and style actualy paved he way for Rococo art (a quite interesting movememt). He studied at the French Academy in Rome and found many artists that would influence him. During this period two of his paintings were displayed in the Salon of 1781. After the Salon, the King granted David lodging in the Louvre, a much desired privilege of great artists. When the contractor of the King's buildings, M. Pécoul, was arranging with David, he asked the artist to marry his daughter, Marguerite Charlotte. This marriage brought him money and eventually four children.

In 1787 David had wanted to become the director of the French Academy in Rome, ut the count in charge thought he was to young and decided against it, but did say he would help support him for the next several years. But David wanted the position quite strongly and them denying him what he so longed for had long-term effets that caused him to lash out againt the Academy for many years to come.

When the French Revolution cam about he became quite involved. In fact, he was good friends with Maximilien Robespierre (1758-1794). He stayed while many others fleed the country, he voted in the National Convention for the Execution of Louis XVI. It is sort of uncertain why he did this, as there were many more opportunities for him under the King than the new order; some people suggest David's love for the classical made him embrace everything about that period, including a new govenment.

He eventually attacked the Royal Academy of Painting and Scultpure. The initial reason for the attack most likely had everything to do with the Academy's opposition to his work previously and he seeked to reform it. It was full of royalists and they judged people based on their status instead of their work, a huge flaw. David then began work on something that would later hound him: propaganda for the new republic. David’s painting of Brutus was shown during the play Brutus, by the famous Frenchman, Voltaire. It was recieved very well.

Most of his work throughout the revolution was conidered propaganda and was truly inspired, especially what is now one of his most famous pieces; The Death of Marat (1793).

Jean-Paul Marat, a friend of David's, was a swiss physician, a radical journalist and politician for the French Revolution. Charlotte Corday, appeared at his flat, claiming to have vital information on the activities of the escaped Girondins who had fled to Normandy. Despite Simonne's protests, Marat asked for her to enter and gave her an audience by his bath, over which a board had been laid to serve as a writing desk. Their interview lasted around fifteen minutes. He asked her what was happening in Caen and she explained, reciting a list of the offending deputies. After he had finished writing out the list, Corday claimed that he told her, "Their heads will fall within a fortnight". A statement which she later changed at her trial to, "Soon I shall have them all guillotined in Paris". This was unlikely since Marat did not have the power to have anyone guillotined. At the moment, Corday rose from her chair, drawing out the kitchen knife hidden on her person, and brought it down hard into Marat’s chest. He lost a lot of blood and died within a minute or so.

Marat was immortalized in this painting and became a political martyr. This piece is astounding and blows me away. The comosition, the color and use of light, is gives depth to this. The incredibl lifelike way the body is slumped over the side of the tub, his hands still grasping the pen and paper. Its if he is caught in the moment of death; just as the last ounce of life slips away. His work speaks for itself, you can feel the passion and the pain he must have felt. He gave Marat so much dignity.

Another brillant piece is the Oath of the Horatii (1784). The story behind this one is just as moving as that of Marat's. The painting depicts three members of the Roman Horatii family, who, according to Titus Livius' Ab Urbe Condita (From the Founding of the City) had been chosen for a ritual duel against three members of the Curiatii, a family from Alba Longa, in order to settle disputes between the Romans. In the painting we see three brothers showin their loyalty with Rome before going into battle. In the background we see women very close to them, one a wife, another a fiance, and the other a sister. They are cloaked in despair while the men are strong and don't seem to depict much emotion.

I find it interesting that he used duller colors to really emphasize the importance of the piece. Th brushstrokes are very fine and the focus is very clear. And the use of straight lines on the men sort of mirroring both the columns and the swords. It gives them more strength.

His work has always cativated me. It is beautiful, classic, and moving. It shows amazing talent and dedication to something wonderful.

When you look at Rococo art you can definetly see the influence from the Neoclassical era. But the Rococo era will be another blog post.

One thing I have always found interesting and heartwarming about David was his burial. Even though he was exiled from France and buried in Brussels, his heart was buried in Pere Lachaise, Paris; with his wife.

German Expressionism

2009-09-27T19:45:00.000-07:00

As an art history major I should probably learn to fully appreciate each movement, but I have difficulty with a few...
Maybe I'm a bit of a classicist. I've once been called an art snob.
I've been reading up on German Expressionism and as both an artist and art historian I find the movement, as a whole, somewhat repugnant. They learned the rule and them broke them in ways that are displeasing. German Expressionism developed out of the expressionist tendencies of artists such as Edvard Munch and Gustave Klimt, the Fauves, and Gauguin and van Gogh. However, the nature of the expressionism of early-20th-century German artists also developed in response to the unique historical situation in Germany.
I will use Wassily Kandinsky as an example through this movement. is work, while popular, is not what I consider a great artist despite what many people might say. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Key characteristics in Kandinsky's work:
- non-objective works
- spiritual and emotional power of line and color
- Abstract
- bright juxtapositions of color
- squiggily, energetic lines
- meant to be experienced over time, to evoke empathy

Wassily Kandinsky began his career painting recognizable subjects in an expressive manner similar to that of the Fauvists. However, he eventually eliminated recognizable objects from his work to create non-objective paintings. He was one of the first Western artists to do this.
He used a lot of bright colors and energetic lines to evoke a strong emotional response. He wanted his work to be like music, he wanted it to be "enjoyed purely for its expressive value and not for its ability to imitate nature." But visual art isn't music. While I am all for music influencing a painting or sculpture, I don't think one should think they can imitate it. They are completely different ideas.
This is his Improvisation No. 8. It' mostly non-objective, but you can see some hints of natural elements. There are images in the top, left corner that suggest mountains. It has brigh colors, energetic lines, and I suppose it can evoke some emotions; chaotic-like feelings. Large sweeping lines may suggest dramatic, even loud moments. Smaller, linear elements suggest more quiet, intimate feelings. Areas of red may seem aggressive and intense. Areas of blue counterbalance that energy with a sort of tranquil calm. Its all color theory.
But, in my mind, when I compare something like this to the works of Jacques Louis David or Eugene Delacroix I am simply dissappointed. While his work might be successful with what he wanted to accomplish, I just think back to fingerpainting in kindergarten. He had a plan and basic composition, but to me this reads sheer laziness.
Maybe I am an art snob, but paintings like this floor me. We think this is great? This moves us like Bernini? Like David? Like Corbet?
No. He was the precursor to Pollock. It is what me and Joshua call "Hack Art". Maybe I'm too harsh...

How did we go from museums full of beautiful and moving pieces like this to Kandinsky?
Artists like Jacques Louis David created some of the most beautiful works I've ever seen yet modern artists (who even have the audactity to call their movememt the "modern" movement) want to break away from it. What is the compulsion?

I realize this blog was a bit more of a rant than I had wanted, but thats the mood I get in with art like that at times. I promise an entry on David next time around. A truly inspired one.

Gustav Klimt

2009-09-20T15:11:00.000-07:00

In my efforts to produce a halfway decent piece for my 20th Century Art class I have been doing quite a study on Gustav Klimt.

Sadly, my piece; though unfinished, is lackluster and sophmoric. His style is quite difficult to replicate. While I wasn't trying to produce a copy, I was hoping to capture some of him in my work.

Death and Life (1908-1911, revised in 1915) is where I took my idea for composition and color choice. We see a tangled mess of bodies being wached over by a dark figure, obviously death. These men and women are at various stages in life, blanketed in lively colors, which are then surrounded in a deep blue color. This blue-green color is very symbolic for Klimt. He very associated blue closely with death. Then you see death sort of leering, always nearby. He is elongated...and his skull even has this expression, a twisted sort of smile. While unnerving I think he wanted death to seem malicious. But that is a common missconception mot people carry - death does not attack, it does not pick and choose, it just happens and whether you believe in fate or not it still applies. But Klimt lost a both his father and youner sister in a very short time and never really came to terms with it. He became a nervous man. What he wanted to accomplish with this piece was to make the viewer realized that death engulfs life.

Another piece of his I love is Danae (1907-1908). She was a subject of longing and desire in greek mthology. She was strikingly bautiful and imprisoned in a tower by her father to protect her virginity and to evade the fullfillment of a prophecy. But Zeus was not to be outdone and visited her in the form of a golden shower (hold the giggling) and impregnating her, releasing her to her tragic destiny.
In this work Klimt makes her he embodiment of lust and sexual desire. She seems locked in a moment of pleasure. Her right hand is tensed; griped around something, her face in a sort of "swoon", she is temporarily ruled by her exuding sexuality.

I do enjoy that Klimt makes a point to hide her reproductive organs, to put them in the foreground and make us focus more on her face, though her breasts are exposed.

Something else I notice is that she appears to exist within a liquid, womb-like ambient.

She is the product and victim of her own sexual nature. This piece is not the first of Klimt's that has a potent sexual attitude. Water Serpents I is a good example. And most of these sorts of pieces were well-received in the Viennese public and were exponentially less challenged than his University paintings. Though today, attitudes are somewhat reversed and people much refer his allegories to his pieces that exude sexuality.

Water Serpents I (1904 - 1907) is the first of many images he paints depicting lesbian relationships. This subject became quite popular among the fin-de-siecle art connoisseurs, who tend to enjoy the notion of women awash in a sea of sexual impulses.

Water is a perilous - man can drown but also needs it to sustain life. And women in happiness without men is just the same, though I do not think that as his intent. The women here aren't so much homosexual as they are presexual. To explain I will use what Klimt did in many of his earlier works where form is function. In this piece he uses an ambiguous figure-ground relationship set up by the women's stylized bodies. He almost makes them two-dimensional mirrors of each other. I like how he avoided the more conventional renderings of this sexual theme. He lays them one on to of the other making them a condensed, tight column of abstract forms.

This piece sort of bridges the span between his pseudo-impressionistic style and his harsher, geometric "gold" period. Of course gold wasn't a new development as he used is previously in the 19th century.

Another reason I love this piece is my personal fascination wth the ocean, water. Upon my first viewing I focused more of the element of water, the movement. I can see how this would be associated with things of a sexual nature. The ebb and low of the tide is a good idea to use a symbolism for sex.

Perhaps his most famous piece is The Kiss (1907 - 1908). It has been is most popular painting since and even before it's completion as it was purchased by the Austrian state shortly before he finished it. It is also arguably one of his best paintings. It is not weighed down by philosophical ponderings or tied to any allegorical symbolism, nor is it the subject of anything mythological. It is simply an embrace, a kiss, something beautiful and understood by all. It is one of the most

transcendent images. His towering of bodies is a reoccuring style for Klimt. He makes them a single unit, the union between man and woman that is a monument to love. Careful studies of the preliminary drawings for this painting led many to believe that Klimt himself posed for this painting with his fiend Emilie Floge, though the faces are stylized.

Despite all his pieces ful of explicit scenes of raw sexuality and eroticism this piece might be an ironic icon to chastity. It is innocent, it is love in its purest form.

Gustav Klimt is thoroughly fascinating and truly an inspiration to me.

fin-de-siecle: pertaining to, or characterized by concepts of art, society, etc., associated with the end of the 19th century.

stretching and history books

2009-09-19T12:46:00.000-07:00

Ballet went wonderfully this morning. I'll be back in pointe shoes soon enough. I am pushing myself stretching too much though, I fear I might strain something and I should just be patient.

I got a 90% on my last 20th Century Art quiz.

An 80% on my photography quiz.

I still don't know what I got on my last Medical Ethics test.

In Film our first test isn't until the 30th at least, I'm fairly prepared. And I have that directors project to work on. Me and Bailey really need to get on that. We are creating a power point on director Tarsem Singh. He directed movies like The Fall and The Cell and he was also assistant director on The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I think he is brillant and The Fall is a perfect example of that. I am in love with that movie, I simply cannot get enough. The cinematography, the story, the characters...it is the complete package.

I digress.

I decided on using watercolor as a medium for my piece in 20th Century Art. So far so good. I did not finish last night but I made a lot of progress. Usng Gustave Klimt as inspiration as an excellent idea. But the more I study Art Nouveau the more I bein to like Edvard Munch. Though I very much dislike The Screamer. His Madonna is beautiful, and Starry Night is moving. I love the way he uses color. (I've posted images of both).

He is the most wel known symbolist painter, at east the most well-known norwegian one. I have some trouble seeing the appeal of paintings like The Screamer and Evening on Karl Johan Street, but to each his own I suppose. I understand him and the he chose to represent society's reaction to industrialization - which was this turning in on oneself. Crowds became soulless and materialisti and many individuals felt completely alone and out of touch with themselve and nature.

I just don't like some of the syle he used for some of his paintings.

I do enjoy the detail in Vampire; her hair and the ways the bodies fold in on eachother is beautiful, at least to me.

Well, I must be off to Sammie's house for a dinner party.

paint or charcoal

2009-09-18T11:02:00.000-07:00

today started off unpleasently.
I awoke at 5:00am from the most dreadful nightmare, it is sort of hard to explain. The best break down I can give is this: I lacked control over my body and was forced to kill myself several times in various ways.
But after falling back to another restless sleep for a few hours I tried to restart my day, but to no avail.

I'm working on a piece for my 20th Century Art class. We are to either create a "moon board" using images or ideas from Art Nouveau or create our own piece of art done in an Art Nouveau style.
I have opted to create my own piece, using Gustave Klimt as a model or inspiration of sorts. I do find him fascinating and think his work is briliant and wonderful. I will be using The Virgin, Danae, and Death and Life as reference pieces. I started the prilminary sketches yesterday.
I plan on using scenes and the storyline from The Fall (a movie, and a wonderful one at that).
I'm still sort of muling it all over.
I cannot decide what medium I should use. I am torn between paint (either water color or acrylic) or charcoal (nupastels). I might use both to be honest, I've been toying with using watercolor and nupastels together because I get this wonderful texture and it as been good for me stylistically.
Work 3:00pm - 7:00pm today. I will finish my paper tonight.
Tomorrow I have Ballet 9:00am - 12:00pm, then the dinner party at 5:00pm with Sammie.
Sunday will be my get-all-my-work-done day.

Gustave Klimt has quickly become a favorite of mine. Several months ago when I went to Barnes & Noble with Christine and purchased a book on his 25 masterworks. I am enamoured. Being an Art History major with a minor in Studio Arts I tend to soak up things like this. He is almost bewitching.
I do fear Joshua grows bored when I prattle on and on about the various artists I become seduced by. I personally love when he talks about the authors he loves; Dickens, Chesterton, MacDonald, Lewis, Austen, Hardy, Eliot, etc.
I love that I am in love with a writer.

whispers

2009-09-17T21:17:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days where I awoke wanting silence,
as a result I hardly spoke more than 10 words until the late afternoon.
And as I began all I could muster up as the tiniest whisper, just mumbles. I even seemed to tip-toe.
Everything soft, everything light.
I listened to low music, the sounds of leaves crunching beneath my feet sounds like crashing waves.
Today I just feel like listening.

After work I went out to dinner with Joshua Berardi and I just wanted to listen. Even now I feel like being silent. I'm on the phone with my beloved Joshua Beachy, my fiance, and I could listen to him forever. Tonight, like most nights, Im going to all aleep listening to him.
There are days where his voice is the most beautiful sound.

shh...